Switzerland's Secret Journal
by neutralswitzy
Summary: Liechtenstein gives Switzerland a journal for his birthday so he can "express" his feelings. What will he write down in his secret journal? Slight Swiss/Belgium romance;  Warning: human names used; Rated T for inappropriate humor and some mild language
1. Chapter 1

**Ch. 1 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Aug. 1,

Lili got me this journal for my birthday, because I think she wants me to "express" my feelings. But this will be mostly for important information and work. I don't think she understands that I don't do that. So Lili, if you ever read this you might not find what you expect. So I'm just warning you ahead of time.

Aug. 2,

Today the world meeting was in Germany today, so Gilbert naturally, HAD to show up. I was right in the middle of my speech on, if America were to turn into a neutral nation, the world would be better, when suddenly; a paper airplane flew in my direction. I caught it, and opened it, here's what it said: _"I'm bored. Want to go drinking w/ me & Ludwig later? -Gilbert."_ I wrote back, _"What is the matter with you?"_ Has he completely forgotten that I don't drink (a lot)? Especially after what happened between me and Elizaveta back in '83 (Lili, if you're reading, then I'll tell you when you're older). Sometimes, I worry about Gil. He's not right sometimes.

Aug. 3,

Today, I brought Lili to a meeting so she'll understand what to do when she's older. Unfortunately, Niklas decided to bring his little brother Emil, and I didn't like the way he was looking at Lili (Her eyes are up on her face, Emil! You're looking too low!) How am I still mentally sane? Why are there so many boys fascinated by Lili? There's Emil, Peter, and Raivis! Nobody is fascinated by me, (except maybe Elizaveta, back in '83...but that's beside the point and that was Gilbert's fault, anyway).

Aug. 4,

Today, at the meeting, Kiku was being dull, so I yelled at him again to state his own opinions. But I was like, half-sober at the time (Gilbert), so I don't think it matters that much. But I scared the holy #*% (censored for Lili) out of him. It was hilarious. I love how Kiku is afraid of me, because I don't have to break my neutrality to scare him.

Aug. 5,

Lili got me a "late birthday gift" today. It was a pair of pajamas that she made herself. She said she would've given it to me sooner, but she wasn't done until this morning. But there's one thing about the pajamas that I can't say, in case Gilbert ever gets his hands on this.

Aug. 6,

I think Lili is a bit disappointed that I didn't write any of my inner feelings. So I'll play along with her little social experiment. But I'm not going to write any of my "true" feelings, because that's classified stuff. If it were to fall into the wrong hands (Gil) then I'm doomed.

Aug. 19,

It's been a few weeks since I've written, but I'm not going to let Lili down. Anyway, today, that stupid Italian, Feliciano, ran across my lawn, naked again. I had to cover Lili's eyes to keep her innocence. Then I chased him off my property with a Glock 18 (Lili wasn't looking). Feliciano just ran yelling "Ludwig! Ludwig! Vash, please don't hurt me! Ludwig!"

Aug. 20,

Today, I went upstairs to go to bed, and Francis was in my bedroom! He somehow managed to climb through my window. He must have thought it was Lili's room, which angered me even more! So I pushed him out of the window and landed in a rose bush. He had to pick thorns out of his skin for hours. He is such a creeper. I'll bet he'll come in to the meeting tomorrow covered in bandages.

Aug. 21,

I was right about Francis. He wanted me to apologize to him, so I told him, *censored-censored...censored* it was so bad that Raivis fainted, Kiku cowered in the corner, and Gilbert congratulated me, and said "Welcome to the club." I personally felt no guilt, especially considering what he tried to do to Lili. Francis has serious mental problems.

Aug. 25,

Lately, I've been wondering how to help contribute to the world meetings, because my neutrality prevents me from doing a lot of stuff. So yesterday, I stayed up all night fixing up the conference room in Italy, because that's where today's meeting is. I polished the tables, gave everyone name tags for their chair (I even remembered Matthew, he was happy about that). I also put little gifts on everyone's chairs (they were all boxes of .223 ammunition). I thought everyone would appreciate what I did. Instead, I got "Why on Earth would I need such a dangerous gift?" "Finally, someone remembered me." "Wanker!" "Ludwig, I can't tie my shoelaces!" Well, you get the idea, I try to do something nice, and it's mass chaos. I'm never doing that again, (I really thought the .223s would win them over).

Aug. 27,

Dear girly diary which I adore so much,

Today I was thinking about how awesome Gilbert is. Anyway, I really like chocolate; therefore, I ate some today. Lili, if you're reading this, tell the WORLD what happened with Elizaveta and I back in '83, Gilbert got us so drunk that we...in the...and it was awesome! Thank you so much Gilbert. Tell Rodderiech, especially. I would appreciate it very much. P.S. I still drink, a lot! It would give the German brothers a run for their money, and that's saying a lot!

Aug. 28,

Sorry about that last entry. Gilbert got ahold of my journal, and started telling LIES! I had to erase some parts about Elizaveta and me. And Lili, don't tell the world these lies, none of its true. I wouldn't appreciate I if you told Rodderiech. Don't tell Elizaveta either, because I don't think she can remember any of it. And I do NOT drink (at least not a lot. I am German, after all).

Aug. 29,

Lili didn't say anything, but Gil did. Rodderiech got mad when he found out about '83, but he can't fight. His punches felt like he was breathing on me. I wanted to punch him, so I did lightly. But I might've actually hurt him a little, because he's a wimp. So then Elizaveta hit me on the head with a frying pan. She said it was for punching Rodderiech, but everyone knows it was for what Gil told everyone. My head still hurts, and there's a giant lump on it.

Aug. 31,

Today, Gilbert found out the thing I tried to remain hidden about the pajamas Lili made me. So I might as well write it down, considering that Gil told everyone. The pajamas that Lili made me are pink and frilly; and I wear them because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Everyone at the meeting laughed at me, so what else could I do? Well, I'll tell you what I did; I punched Gilbert right in the face. That shut everyone up. Especially Kiku, who hid behind his older brother, Yao. I felt proud of myself for scaring everyone (except Ivan, only his sister can scare him), because then people will think twice before they take over my land.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch. 2 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Sept. 1,

Raivis came to my house to "play" with Lili. She might only be 13, but you can't be too sure. I'm keeping my gun loaded. I swear, the second I turn my back and- well you get the picture. No door can hold me back when my sister is locked on the other side. I can always shoot the door off its hinges. And it would seem I have an extra surplus of .223 ammo, thanks to peoples' poor recognition of good presents.

Sept. 2,

Turns out that Raivis just wanted to play. He's not really interested in my sister, (but just wait until puberty kicks in to that little pedophile in the making). Niklas wasn't too happy when he came to pick up Raivis, and I had an M-16 in my hand. So I put myself under a 1 day house arrest (thank God too, because today's meeting was in Italy, and I'm not going to that pasta-eating idiot after he streaks on MY lawn!).

Sept. 3,

Italy cried today, at the meeting because he thought I hated him. So I reminded him that I didn't like him in the first place. Then his brother, Lovino, called me a "chocolate coated bastard", whatever that means. I guess stupidity runs in their family.

Sept. 4,

Alfred is such a child. Today, he gave a presentation on how to defend the Earth if unfriendly invaders were to attack. Then, he tried to make me lose my neutrality and join the Allied Powers. He doesn't understand that I will not go to war, (unless my precious Lili's land is invaded).

Honestly, I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. Maybe it's because I was alone for so long that I learned from everyone's mistakes. If that's the case, then being called the "mean old mountain hermit" was totally worth it.

Sept. 5,

Unfortunately, I was hosting today's world meeting. I let Lili attend this one, but she did not leave my sight, (I'm referring to you, Emil!) Everyone left the place a wreck. Alfred spilt his French fries all over my sofa. Feliciano took all of my pasta. Lovino left a note on my door, saying "Nice meeting chocolate coated bastard". The meeting wasn't even that successful. We didn't do anything productive. It'll take days to clean everything (and buy more pasta). Next time the meeting's at my place, I'm running a tight ship. No food, drinks, theft, or inappropriate notes. Literally, the only considerate person here was Matthew (at least, I think he was here). I'm just undergoing a lot of stress now; I need to blow off steam. Which means I'm going target shooting (I'm going to draw the rude people's faces on the target).

Sept. 6,

I'm much better now. I feel so relaxed; I even cleaned the whole house in just a few hours. Lili's going to be so impressed when she comes home from school. I'm not even attending today's meeting. Today is my relaxation day. I'm just gonna sit down, eat some chocolate, and watch war movies that are rated R for blood violence and would emotionally scar Lili if she were to watch. This is the good life here.

Sept. 7,

Gilbert found out that I was watching those war movies. Because he stole one, and brought it to the world meeting and presented it to everyone. Of course, I brought Lili to that meeting. I had to cover her eyes (because Emil certainly wasn't). Gilbert has major problems. I don't know how he got in my house in the first place. I had to have a talk with Ludwig, who said, "I apologize for my brother's insensibility. He's a mess. And if it makes you feel any better, I don't know how he got in your house either." Ludwig is actually a decent guy, but his brother is a maniac.

Sept. 8,

Ludwig punished Gil for his inappropriate actions yesterday. Gilbert is not allowed to attend any more meetings for the next month. I'm glad too; Lili kept asking what was happening during the movie, since all she heard was blood spattering, screaming, and gunshots. I had to deny everything I knew, because Gilbert picked out the most violent movie that I own. Ludwig actually makes sense around here, and I completely agree with his punishment (although, two months would have been nice).

Sept. 9,

Just because Gilbert isn't allowed to the world meetings, it doesn't mean he can't bother me. Last night, there was a knocking at my front door. When I opened it, Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis were standing there, half-wasted. They probably went to a bar and got so drunk that they couldn't find their way back home. At least, that's what I thought, until Gil asked, "Hey Vash! We want you to come drinking with us. It'd be like '83 all over again! We can even bring Elizaveta." So I told them, "No!" then I called Ludwig, Lovino, and Matthew. Ludwig said, "I'll deal with you at home." and he dragged Gil by the ankle to their car. He was holding a belt, so I can only imagine what happened after that. Lovino came to get Antonio, and he was not happy. He said something like, "Antonio you •••••••, don't you know you're not allowed to drink? I swear, when we get home, you're going straight to your ••••ing bedroom. Do you understand?" I had to cover Lili's ears for that. Then Matthew came to get Francis, he said, "You've been very bad, Papa. I'm sorry Vash. You're going to get a very bad spanking when we get home." So Gil tried to bother me, but totally got what was coming to him.

Sept. 10,

Yesterday, Gil said "It'd be like '83 all over again." So Lili asked what happened in '83. So I had to reply, "Lili, what you have to understand is that they were drunk, and didn't know what they were talking about." She must never find out. If she did, she would never respect me again. Besides, I was drunk, and haven't had a relationship in quite a while. So if she found out, that's my excuse.

Sept. 11,

Alfred was acting weird today. Apparently, it's a tragic day in history that happened in his country. He brought a gigantic American flag to the world meeting. Then he asked me to "retire the flag". So I told him that I'm not American, so he should do it. Then he gave me a speech on terrorism and the Twin Towers. So I left the meeting early, leaving Alfred to give his speech to Arthur, who was really annoyed. Maybe if Alfred would mind his own business, then he wouldn't have these problems.

Sept. 12,

Today, I had to join Rodderiech at lunch again. Because Elizaveta and Lili feel that it's "good" for us. But honestly, it just makes us fight over who takes the check. It's not healthy to be upset with your neighbor, now we're even angrier with each other. Lili thinks we should get along, and that we should be friends again. But I will not befriend that Beethoven-worshipping aristocrat. All we do at our lunches is Rodderiech writes down sheet music, and I polish my guns (there's no sense in having a dirty gun). So the lunches aren't really effective.

Sept. 13,

Well, Lili and Elizaveta must have suspected that Rodderiech and I don't "bond" at lunch. They set up lunch and showed up themselves. So we had to act like we were friends, because women are dangerous when they're angry. You don't want to upset two at the same time and place, especially when one's armed with a frying pan, and the other a Swiss Army Knife (its good self-defense). Then to make matters worse, it was at an Asian restaurant, so Yao was our waiter. He was like, "Wow! It's you guys, aru. Finally, someone is buying my food. I am so happy, aru." I ordered the cheapest item on the menu to save money. That just made Yao sad. Then Lili gave me her puppy-dog eyes, so I had to give him an extra-large tip to cheer him up. I am such a pushover for Lili.

Sept. 14,

Today, Emil came over to see Lili. It's not like Raivis, where he makes it very clear that he likes Francis's little sister, Michelle. I have to keep my eyes peeled. If I pull my eyes away for one minute, I'll find Emil with his lips all over my sister's mouth (gross). Which is why I had a little added protection. I took the liberty of making sure I can pick every lock in this house. I've loosened the hinges on the doors so that they're easier to kick down. I even borrowed Alfred's Desert Eagle. It might be a bit extreme, but Lili doesn't know. Besides, I give her those home-schooled training sessions on self-defense, so she can defend herself. But what if...she wants to kiss Emil (even grosser)? Why does my Lili have to grow up so fast?

Sept. 15,

Well, everything went fine yesterday. Emil didn't make any moves on my sister. And Lili told me that for the time being, she just wants to be friends with Emil (for the time being). I'm definitely having trouble coping with Lili's growing up. I've got to see someone about this.

Sept. 22,

I've spent the last week interviewing a bunch of big brothers, and I've learned a lot. For example, Antonio said not to use foul language because he did when Lovino was young (look what happened). Arthur said, you have to let them go, that's what he did with Alfred. But I didn't get too much advice on dating. The only thing I got on that was from Francis, he said "You have to let them date whoever they want. I have no problem with Michelle hanging out with Raivis." and maybe he's right. I'll let her date whoever she wants...when she's at least 16 (cry me a river Emil).

Sept. 23,

Today, Lili asked to go on a picnic. So, naturally, I had to agree. We brought some sandwiches, and they were really good, too. But then Feliciano ran right in front of us, butt naked. Why is it that whenever he gets scared, he runs to Ludwig in the nude? The worst part is, I was too late to cover Lili's eyes. So she lost her innocence, thanks to Feliciano and his need to see Ludwig whenever he gets scared. Now I have to talk to Ludwig about Feliciano. I feel bad for Ludwig, he has to deal with so many people.

Sept. 24,

Ludwig didn't punish Feliciano at all. I guess he'll cry uncontrollably if he were punished. I think Feliciano's mind has the capacity of a five year old child's. Although, Ludwig would just say, "Feliciano's not stupid, he just needs attention." He needs medical attention. I'm sorry Feliciano, you're a good guy, but you've scarred my sister.

Sept. 25,

Today, I gave Lili a home schooled training session on self-defense. She should learn how to defend herself against muggers, robbers, and Francis. So I showed her all the basics about guns and knives. I showed her how to operate a firearm. I also showed her how to fist fight and wrestle (she beat the crap out of that training dummy). She makes me so proud, knowing that she can defend herself against Francis. She could break his jaw with one kick. I trained her pretty good. I can't wait to see what she can do for real.

Sept. 26,

Lili is amazing when it comes to defending herself! I came home from the meeting today, to find Francis tied to a railing! Apparently, Lili was all alone at home, when she heard someone in her bedroom. She walked upstairs to see what it was, and found Francis there. He thought it was a good idea to rape my sister when I wasn't home. So Lili punched Francis in the stomach and kicked him in the face. Then he passed out. Lili dragged him downstairs and tied him up. But whatever I'm gonna do to Francis will be a thousand times worse than a kick to the face.

Sept. 29,

I spent the past few days helping Matthew punish Francis. Matthew told him, "Papa, you hoser! You can't do that, she's a little girl! Vash is going to help give you a proper punishment. You've been very bad!" We agreed to punish him by locking him up in Matthew's basement and is forced to eat English scones for three weeks (Arthur was more than happy to bake some scones). Gilbert took a lot of pictures. I for one, think it is a great punishment.

Sept. 30,

I congratulated Lili today, by making her a big lunch and inviting all her friends. It made her very happy about what she did. I think it will encourage her to defend herself instead of becoming a victim. Francis finally got what's coming to him. I'm so happy for Lili.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch. 3 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Oct. 1,

Well, today my worst fears are realized. Raivis, Emil, and Peter all came over to "play" with Lili. I know I shouldn't worry about Raivis, but peer pressure might get to him. There's nothing worse than having three guys over to see your sister. It's not right. All hell will break loose. The Earth will crumble, cities will shake, and the sky will fall! (That's not a dramatization) and just to make sure nothing happens to Lili, I scheduled the world meeting at my house. Then Lili can't be alone with three boys. There will be so many other people to protect her. It's 100% fool-proof!

Oct. 2,

Now I remember why I don't like having the meetings in my house. Sure, it kept those guys away from Lili, but my place was a wreck! These meetings are supposed to be formal, but always turn chaotic! Francis was there, but had to be handcuffed to the table. But that didn't stop Arthur from getting in a fight with him. It was all madness! Alfred left his McDonald's wrappers everywhere. I found tomatoes in my toilet! What was Antonio doing in there? My house is even messier than last time. I'm going to have to find a better way to protect Lili from the wrath of three pre-mature boys.

Oct. 7,

Well, after five days, my house is finally clean. It wasn't easy, tomatoes are hard to scrub. I had Rodderiech help (it was all Elizaveta and Lili's idea). He didn't really help, all he said was "You need to be more assertive towards other people." says the guy who ended up with ketchup inside his piano when he hosted the meeting (it was Alfred's ketchup). Why do Lili and Elizaveta think it's such a good idea to have the two of us do stuff together? They were both there, too. They saw us arguing over who gets to pick up Alfred's half-eaten burger (his saliva was still on it). People are gross!

Oct. 8,

I finally found out a way to protect Lili from those three guys. All I have to do is warn her about the dangers of "dating" three guys at once. So I told her that she needs to be careful around those guys, and then she told me she's not looking for a relationship with any of them (she was probably lying about Emil). Gilbert offered to give her "the talk" so she'll understand better. I screamed at him, "NO! I DON'T NEED YOU CORRUPTING LILI'S MIND! KEEP THE HELL AWAY FROM HER!" I'm sorry for raising my voice at him, but the Bad Touch Trio doesn't need Lili as its newest member. If Gilbert were to give her "the talk", she would end up like Francis, and no one needs that.

Oct. 9,

I took Lili to the supermarket with me to get some groceries. The strangest thing happened there. I was pushing the shopping cart, and I bumped into Ludwig's cart, and Gil was in the child seat. I tried not to start any conversation. Ludwig seemed too annoyed to talk, although Gilbert had a pretty good time. He tried to start up some conversation, but I just turned the other way, and found an alternate way to the cheese.

Oct. 10,

Today, I had to stop Gil from writing in my journal again. I went upstairs to my bedroom, and Gil was there, holding my journal and a pen. He was writing down some untrue lies about me, (I do not spike my chocolate with liquor). There was some inappropriate stuff about Bella, but I'm not going into detail (just because we both like chocolate, it doesn't mean that I want to...never mind). I had to rip out the page he wrote on, since he used pen. How did he get in my house anyway? Does everyone have a key to my front door?

Oct. 11,

Today, I couldn't find my white beret. I was worried because Lili made it for me. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I simply told her, "It's in the washing machine." Eventually, I found it. It was at Ludwig's house. Apparently, Gilbert stole it when he was writing in my journal yesterday. Fortunately Ludwig found it in Gil's room when Gil was at Antonio's house. And now, my barrette really needs to go in the washing machine, there was beer stains on it. But I'm just glad I have it back.

Oct. 12,

Today I took Lili to buy a new hair ribbon. The reason I buy her hair ribbons is because she cuts her hair to look like mine, so people mistake her for a boy (Emil certainly doesn't). I get her purple ribbons because it's her favorite color. She really appreciates it when I give her hair ribbons.

Oct. 13,

Today Gilbert knocked on my door and asked me for chocolate. I told him I didn't, and that I was trying to eat cheese fondue. He told me it would be so much better with bratwurst, I can't recall ever eating bratwurst. But, anyway, Gil wasn't convinced that I was out of chocolate. He didn't leave until I gave him a box. Although I don't know why he needed it so desperately.

Oct. 14,

I tried some of that bratwurst stuff today. I was amazing! It's now one of my new favorite foods. It's even better when you top it with cheese. I gave some to Lili, because I shouldn't hide something that good from her. She loved it. I'm glad Gilbert mentioned it to me. Now I know of such a wonderful food. For once, Gilbert's done something good.

Oct. 15,

Today, someone rang my doorbell. When I opened the door, there was a box on the doorstep, with a note taped to it, it said, "To Lili Zwingli." I took it inside to see what it was. I set the box on the table, but the Lili walked in and said, "What's that, Switzy?" I tried to stop her, but she had already grabbed the box. She opened up the note and read it out loud, "Dear Lili,

I want you to know how pretty I think you are. I love you Lili Zwingli, with all my heart.

Love,

Emil Johansen"

Lili opened the box, which held chocolates. She was shocked because she thought it was a love letter and gift from Emil. But I knew who it was from. I had to reluctantly tell her that Gil was pranking her. She looked disappointed at this, and ran to her room. I don't know which is worse; Gil pranking my sister, or knowing that Lili likes Emil. But I do know one thing, Gilbert Beilschmidt will pay.

Oct. 16,

I got Gil back for his terrible actions. I went to his house and (please forgive me) I took him to Rodderich's house and tied him to a chair. He was forced to listen to him play the piano for eight hours. Every time he made a comment, fell asleep, or something like that, Elizaveta hit him on the head with a frying pan. That'll teach him to mess with Lili.

Oct. 17,

I think Gil is scarred now, because he had multiple lumps on his head today, and he got nervous whenever he heard the word "piano". He's got some type of PTSD* from the whole incident. But I don't feel that sorry for him. He'll probably get over it in like a week. Besides, he had it coming. He does bad stuff to me all the time. Why me? It's as if I'm his number two target for pranking; Rodderiech is number one (sissy). I'm going to observe his resilience by watching his actions, and seeing how long it takes for him to get over the incident.

Oct. 24,

I was right, it took a full week for him to completely heal (mentally; he still had the lumps on his head). He's back to his normal self, but he will think twice about pranking Lili. Anyway, Lili is just fine, now. She was willing to embrace the fact it was a prank. She even told me that she doesn't like Emil that much (that narrows it down to Peter and Raivis) but I'm still keeping my eyes peeled. She might say that she doesn't like Emil, but people are private about that, and she's probably shy about telling me how she really feels (I do that, too; it's not like I tell her that I have a crush on...never mind).

Oct. 25,

Francis is allowed to eat actual food now. His punishment ran a little longer than planned, but that's because he tried to escape, and I caught him. But since he's freed, I took the liberty of buying locks for all the windows in my house. He is not getting into my house again. If I catch him in my house again when I get home, he'll eat something far worse than English scones (if that's possible).

Oct. 26,

I just felt sick to my stomach all day today. Peter came over today to "play" with Lili, and when it was time for him to leave, Lili said, "Bye Peter." and she gave him a hug! I don't know if it's a girl thing or something like that, so I went to the one person who can help me in this area of expertise, Elizaveta. But she just told me bunch of worthless crap! She was like, "Lili is growing up, and you need to accept that." I am accepting her maturing; I don't need Elizaveta telling me how to raise my sister. After all, Elizaveta never raised children. Now did she? I just don't like that Peter kid, or Emil, I would actually prefer Raivis, but he likes Michelle. It's so difficult raising a girl.

Oct. 27,

Today, I wanted to test Lili's compatibility with Raivis, so I invited him over. But what I didn't know is that Lili had invited Michelle. When Raivis walked in and saw her, his jaw literally dropped! He was drooling over her so badly, Matthew thought he stole Niagara Falls! My experiment date turned into a disaster! All I learned from it is that Lili and Raivis are not compatible at all. Why is everything so difficult for me?

Oct. 28,

I decided to give up on Lili's love life. I realize now that it's impossible to let her date who I want. I just don't want her to get hurt. Is that too much to ask? Lately, people have called me "over-protective" about Lili, because of this. So I ask them, "Do you think it's easy being a lone parent?" they tell me I'm not Lili's father, but I might as well be. I do everything for her. And I do give her certain freedoms.

Oct. 29,

Well, Halloween is coming up soon, and Alfred's been acting weird. He dressed up like a zombie to today's meeting, and demanded that I give him candy. I refused, and told him that he's too old to take part in these childish notions. So he walked away and asked other people for candy. I thought people did that on the actual day of Halloween, not two days before. Alfred is such a child, and refuses to grow up.

Oct. 30,

Today was mischief night. So, naturally I expected Gil to do something. And I caught him red-handed. He was right in the middle of throwing eggs and toilet paper at Arthur's house. He thought he was a goner, but instead of punishing him, I joined him. It's about time I loosen up and have fun. Even if I cleaned it all up before Arthur noticed. And because I didn't bust Gil, he spared my house from a coating of silly string. So I'm glad I did what I did.

Oct. 31,

Today was Halloween, so I spent my day handing out candy to children I don't know. But it felt good to make children happy. Even if I had to fork over a chocolate bar to Alfred. Lili went with her friends, but I wasn't worried, Arthur was with them, and he's responsible. I saw Feliciano, too. He got scared, so he was running to Ludwig's house. But it was okay, because he was wearing pants. So I didn't chase him off my lawn. He seemed scared enough, Alfred was chasing him, dressed like a zombie. So I guess it's been a pretty good day. I got to sit back and relax, while everyone else worked. It was great.

*PTSD- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: a state of mind that causes one to have flashbacks and nightmares after a traumatizing event.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch. 4 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Nov. 1,

I took Lili to a target range today. I wanted to show her how to properly function a gun. She's a natural at it! I started her out with a .22 long rifle (it's a good beginner's gun). She hit the target dead-center every time from fifty meters away. She was so good that I let her shoot my .500 magnum handgun. She still hit the target every time! Even with that kind of recoil! It looks like she's got some of me in her after all. I'm so proud of her!

Nov. 2,

Now that I know of Lili's shooting abilities, I told her the location of my guns, in case someone breaks in our house again. Then Lili told me that Gil doesn't break into our house (Francis still does) she told me, "I let Gilbert in because he is friendly, and he lets me play with Gilbird." That makes a lot more sense than my theories. But that still makes me angry! I told her that she needs my permission to let people in. But I could see how much she liked Gilbird, so I said that she can continue to invite Gil in (but first I had to ask Gil if his bird had his shots; I don't need Lili getting salmonella or anything).

Nov. 3,

Gilbird has had his shots, apparently. I don't want Gil in my house, but I can't say no to Lili, so I told her, "Make sure he doesn't steal anything." I know Gil knows the location of my beer stash, and I don't need him stealing that. I get kind of crazy if I don't have a beer every now and then.

Nov. 4,

Today I went and bought a lock for my beer. Mostly because I don't want Lili to find it (and because a few went missing yesterday). I also moved the cooler that they're in to a new location (classified). I'd like to see Gil drink my beer now.

Nov. 5,

Today's world meeting was at Alfred's place today. Gil showed up because Alfred's part of his "awesome trio". Gil didn't have to give a presentation, but he did! And do you know what it was? He showed the world (literally) my frilly pink pajamas! And to make matters worse, Felix asked me if he could have them (he offered $50)! I declined his offer, but then he said, "That is, like totally not fabulous. Pink is like my favorite color. I'm telling Liet that you're being un-fabulous!" I am going to murder Gil. So many people laughed. Mathias posted a picture online! Fortunately, I told Kiku to fix it so it's not as bad (he's a computer geek).

Nov. 6,

Kiku told me it's impossible to erase that picture from the Internet. However, he was able to make it so that it didn't say they were mine, so I gave him $25 for his troubles. He seemed scared to take my money. But I told him that I have no intention to hurt anyone. I don't think he was convinced, but Yao taught him to take any money he can get his hands on (I can learn a thing or two from him). I'm just glad that no one knows those pajamas are mine (anyone who does will "forget").

Nov. 7,

Last night, I had this reoccurring dream I kept having. In it, I was wearing a woman's Alpine dress, and Kiku was wearing lederhosen. We were in the Alpine mountains, singing and dancing. I don't yet know what this means. I'm going to see a professional tomorrow. I hope it doesn't mean anything bad.

Nov. 8,

That professional I went to, was Arthur (he was the only one who would do it for free). He said he can use "dark magic" to interpret my dreams. He told me it means that Kiku and I will become friends someday, even though we aren't fond of each other. I told him he should check his magic. He's not the best wizard, or sorcerer, or whatever he calls himself. I'm not going to listen to him. Maybe he was referring to Kiku helping me with that picture on the Internet. Still, I wouldn't say we're friends.

Nov. 9,

Today I went to the supermarket to buy some more cheese (the cheap kind, because it tastes better) and Rodderiech was there. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied, "Well, supermarkets usually have food, so I came to get some." I just walked away; because that was the sassiest response I've ever gotten from a question. Yet, Lili and Elizaveta wonder why we're not friends. Probably because I don't like being friends with the king of smart-asses!

Nov. 10,

Remember when Felix wanted my pajamas? Well, at today's meeting, he was wearing bright pink pajamas with the word "fabulous" written in glitter. He walked up to me and said, "My pajamas are like, totally more fabulous than yours!" Then he walked over to Tino, who looked ashamed. I honestly didn't know what to say, but I wanted to thank him. At least there's someone out there whose pajamas are more pink, frilly, and girlish than mine. Thank you Felix.

Nov. 11,

Last night was the full moon. So I sat on my back porch, and drank some hot tea, and stared out at the moon. Everything was peaceful, but then, "You can't run Arthur! It's l'amour!" "Get away from me, you wanker!" Francis and Arthur were fighting (again) just outside my property line! I had to arrest Francis, because he was trying to take off Arthur's clothes. This isn't the first time I had to arrest Francis, either. Last year, Francis tried to start the Olympics, but he found out that men competed naked in the original Olympics. So he tried to make Arthur compete. I caught him in the heinous act of making an Englishman take his clothes off (he spent some time in jail for that). But anyway, I don't know what Francis's excuse was this time, but Matthew is not going to be happy.

Nov. 12,

I found out that Matthew was fed up with Francis getting into so much trouble, so he sent Francis to Russia (bless his soul) so Ivan can punish him, within reason. Matthew said, "I'm sorry Papa, but you need to learn discipline and morals! You can't be such a hoser!" That was the maddest I've ever seen him, so he must really be putting his foot down. As if Francis's last punishment wasn't bad enough, now Ivan's teaching him discipline! I kind of feel sorry for him.

Nov. 19,

Francis is back, after a week. He is so jumpy now. Almost like Gil was, after he had to listen to Rodderich's music. He had bruises all over him, so I assume he was being unreasonable, and Ivan hit him with that pipe he carries around (I have no idea why). I'm glad Francis learned his lesson, though. He didn't even look at Arthur.

Nov. 20,

Today, I gave Lili a home schooled training session on self-defense. It's important for her to know, and she's eager to learn. So I taught her all the basics. I told her to be careful about scary strangers, because they will try to temp her with candy and treats. I told her the dangers of wild animals, and how they may look cute, but they have claws and fangs riddled with poison that they will use to kill her. I even drew diagrams on a chalkboard for her to see. And you know what her response was? "Um, Switzy, I hate to interrupt. But I think the drawings you made are cute. Can you draw them on paper for me?" I know I'm a talented artist, but can't that wait?

Nov. 21,

I spent the day drawing pictures for Lili. I shouldn't disappoint her; after all, she did say she liked my drawings. So I'm just sitting here drawing wild animals like rabbits and squirrels. And scary strangers who strongly resemble Rodderiech, but isn't. I'm almost finished, and when I am, I can talk to Lili about more self-defense.

Nov. 22,

Today, I was teaching Lili about firearms, and she is literally an expert! I asked questions that I didn't expect her to know- Where is the receiver? What type of action is this? What caliber is this? - And she knew it all (I was using an M-1 Garand for example). I asked her where she learned all this, and she said, "I wanted to be like you, Switzy. So I went to the library and read all these books about guns." That was flattering. She is the best little sister that anyone could hope to have.

Nov. 23,

So today, I had this flashback, it was rather disturbing. I was at a picnic with Lili, and she got crumbs on her face, so I wiped her face and said, "That's not very dignified." and that's when I got the flashback. I was wiping Rodderich's face saying, "That's not very dignified." It was so weird. I don't think it means anything, but I'm writing it down, just in case.

Nov. 24,

I had this dream/flashback last night. I was carrying Rodderiech home after Elizaveta beat him up (yes, she did that when we were young...and I did have to back him up) and I had to take care of him. I dressed his wounds (there was an arrow in his butt) and cleaned his clothes. We might've been good friends, but not anymore (he still owes me $20). And why can't I get that stupid Austrian out of my head? I tried putting a bucket on my head and hitting it, but that just worried Lili. It might have to do with the fact that we haven't had lunch together in a while, even though Elizaveta and Lili want us to.

Nov. 25,

Well, in order to get Rodderiech out of my head, I invited him to lunch. Lili was surprised that she didn't have to ask me to. It's pretty embarrassing, especially when you can hear Lili talking to Elizaveta on the phone, and hearing things like "making progress" and "friends again". If only they knew the real reason, but I'm not going to tell them, because then I'll hear things like "can't take Rodderiech off his mind". It's not like it's a big deal, went to a cheap, American restaurant (McDonald's). It got pretty bad, though. Gil was there, and he tried to eat with us, but all he did was put ketchup in Rodderich's soda and eat like a slob about three inches away from my face. And I could totally tell that Elizaveta and Lili were spying on us through the window (they really shouldn't look through the window that's right next to our table). I tried not to look at them, but Elizaveta made it so obvious (Lili's trained), she had her face pressed up against the glass, and we were all staring right at her (someone can't take a hint).

Nov. 26,

Lili apologized for spying yesterday. So I told her it's no big deal, and that she did a good job at spying, but Elizaveta gave her away. By the way, America's food is terrible! Processed beef patties, fries greasier than a car engine! Who can eat that? Alfred has a very strong stomach. He eats that stuff all the time. He's going to die from high cholesterol.

*Just so everyone knows, I don't hate American food. It's actually pretty good. I just think someone like Switzerland wouldn't like it that much. And I don't mean to offend anyone.

Nov. 27,

Today, Elizaveta came to my house to see Lili. I know it's wrong, but I eavesdropped on their conversation. I heard them talking about me and Rodderich's lunch the other day. I heard Elizaveta saying, "Rodderiech told me that lunch wasn't that great. Gilbert ruined it, and his soda tasted like ketchup." Lili told her what I thought of lunch. "Switzy said that he saw you, and that the food was awful." They kept talking about how next time, we're going to a better quality restaurant. Great.

Nov. 28,

Lili told me that she and Elizaveta planned lunch for me and Rodderiech next month, and that they are coming, to monitor our "progress". I hope Gil decides not to stalk us this time. He needs to get a life, and spend more time with his friends. I'll have to tell Ludwig about that.

Nov. 29,

Ludwig told me that he'll tell Gil to spend time with his actual friends. He also told me to loosen up. I'm not the one who needs to loosen up! Gil's the one who lives to see people annoyed by him! And I need to loosen up? I'll take his advice, only because he's one of the few people I know who has common sense.

Nov. 30,

I tried loosening up by cleaning my guns. It's so relaxing, and it makes my guns perform better. Now, of course I won't get to clean all 78 of my guns. I'll probably clean 20 at the most. But today is my day to relax, and do nothing but clean the powder from the barrel of my guns. I guess Ludwig gives pretty good advice after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ch. 5 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Dec. 1,

I was taking a walk, and there were a few inches of snow on the ground. And I saw Ludwig, but he was dragging a sled, with Gil inside. Gil kept saying, "Run Ludwig! Faster!" Ludwig gave this look that said _Help me._ I felt so sorry for him. And Gil's supposed to be the older one! Why do I even bother with him?

Dec. 2,

I looked back on what I saw yesterday, and I thought, _I haven't pulled Lili through the snow since she was a baby_. so today I got an old sled out of my garage, and told Lili "Come on, we're going sledding today." It makes me feel like a terrible big brother knowing that she couldn't even walk the last time she was in a sled. But today I redeem myself. Lili seemed happy, because she got ready in five minutes. I was taking her to the biggest hill I could think of, (it's not like she could get hurt; just like Ivan says, "There's plenty of snow to break my fall.") she sat down in the sled, and I dragged her. She's pretty light, but after a while, she stared to get heavy. I looked back to see why, and sure enough, Gil was in the sled with her. I told him "GIL! What is your problem? I've got something to say to you, but I won't because Lili's here! I am going to kick you out of that sled!" but then Lili said, "Switzy, I've got it." and she punched him in the arm! It was so cool! I asked her how she learned to fight, and she said "I learned everything from you, big brother." That made me proud. Gil walked home, because he knew I wouldn't let him on the sled again. And when we got there, I dragged the sled up the tallest point, and pushed her down. She had so much fun. I feel like a good big brother again.

Dec. 3,

I caught a cold from yesterday. I just goes to show you, doing something good, has its drawbacks. But it's okay, Lili's making me some chicken soup. I also had some hot chocolate (with Swiss chocolate, of course). I knew we should've gone home when my clothes got all wet, but I didn't want to spoil Lili's fun (she was still dry). I'm glad I'm so determined to be a wonderful big brother. Lili should consider herself lucky. There aren't too many good big brothers out there (just look at Gil). I must be pretty good to get sick, just so Lili has fun.

Dec. 4,

I feel much better today. Lili really outdid herself. It was just a cold, but she made me soup, a get well card, breakfast in bed this morning, and that came with a get well cookie. Just for a cold! She must really admire me. It's almost like I'm her role model. I know I would never go that far just for a cold.

Dec. 5,

It's terrible! Lili caught my cold! I should have never let her come near me. Just for good measure, I made her a bowl of soup, and I even had everyone sign a get-well-card for her (although, Emil didn't have to write his signature bigger than John Hancock's [1]). I ran to the bakery and bought her a get well cookie, too. After all, who ever said you can go too extreme over a cold?

Dec. 6,

Thank God Lili's better. I she were sick for one more day, I would've taken her to the hospital. I couldn't stand my precious Lili being sick. I always know what's best for her (unlike Emil). She thanked me for taking care of her, and even gave me a gift. Can you believe it? Although, I probably shouldn't race to show everyone this one. Who wants to see a green-knit sweater that says "Switzy" on it in pink letters? You know what? Who cares? Lili made it with her own two hands, and I'm wearing it, because I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt her feelings.

Dec. 7,

Okay, just because I can't hurt feelings, it doesn't mean other people can't. Everyone kept calling me Switzy. It was so rude and uncalled for. And a word of advice, just because someone's wearing a sweater, it doesn't mean that you should upset them. I punched Gil in the stomach and kicked Mathias in the •••••, so that shut them up. In other, unrelated news, Kiku kept staring at Alfred angrily, and Alfred actually looked scared [2]. I don't know why, but it was funny.

Dec. 8,

Today, Lili asked me, "Do you like your sweater, big brother?" I had to tell her yes, because I have done my best to never make Lili cry, and I will certainly not make her, today. Besides, I do kinda like the sweater, it's warm and Felix gave me a compliment on the letters. Notice how I wear the beret, the pink pajamas, and the sweater. Why am I such a pushover? Is it because Lili looks up to me so much? I don't know, but to oppose what other people say, it's not because I act like I'm her "father". I'm quite content on being her big brother.

Dec. 9,

Today I got a new gun (you can never have too many). It's an SIG-550, and it's pretty cool. I'm going to try it out, so I'll let you know how it performs. But it's a .223 semi-automatic sniper rifle. It came with a scope, a bayonet, and a bipod. So if anyone comes into my yard, I can go to the second floor window, and purposely snipe the ground next to them (except Alfred, because to him, that's a declaration of war). I can't wait to try it.

Dec. 10,

The SIG-550 works great! It's dead-accurate, the chamber runs smoothly, and all the accessories are top quality. The bayonet is so sharp, it could cut a fly in half; and the bipod isn't breaking anytime soon, it's very durable. It's my new front line gun, my partner-in-crime (not before Lili, she's my first partner-in-crime). I can't wait to see it in action on a training course.

Dec. 17,

I was testing my new gun all week. I set up this incredible training course. There were sniper positions, targets, and since I still have that surplus of .223 ammunition, I had plenty of bullets. It was so cool! The gun is so accurate, not one bullet missed the target. It's lightweight, too. It weighs like, five pounds, at most; and that's with the scope and bayonet. The bayonet performed just as well as the gun. I made a good purchase, so that can save money.

Dec. 18,

Gil told me that he saw my training course yesterday, and he asked if he could use it. I told him it's for rifle training, not handguns. Then he told me he's got a German Mouser he would like to test. I thought to myself, _If he's training, he won't be here to bug me!_ so I said yes. He seemed shocked, probably because he doesn't know that underlying factor that persuaded me to let him use the course (he's gotta bring his own ammo, I'm not paying for his bullets).

Dec. 21,

The training course was supposed to take a week to finish. Gil came back after three days. His excuse was, "I finished it." but I doubt that. It was designed to take even the most skilled people a week to finish (if it weren't I could beat it in two hours). It involves camping out, setting up blinds, and a bunch of other stuff that takes a long time. He probably got bored or something like that.

Dec. 22,

It turns out the reason Gil left was because he wanted to go drinking with Antonio and Francis. He just doesn't care for the important things in life. Guns are of little importance to him. One day he'll realize what he's been missing. Then he'll be begging to finish that training course.

Dec. 23,

Today I went to the supermarket, and I saw Rodderiech. I couldn't help but notice that he was buying expensive cheese. I've been buying the cheap kind for years, I would buy it, but there's a big price difference: expensive cheese= $5.99; cheap cheese= $2.99. See what I mean? I save about three dollars! That's smart shopping! But is the expensive cheese better quality? Am I buying Lili sub-tasteful cheese? I hope not.

Dec. 24,

Well, since it's Christmas Eve, and we're having a nice dinner, I decided to buy the expensive cheese. It was a nice dinner; we ate some of that bratwurst stuff that Gil told me about. And since Lili wants me to "bond" with Rodderiech, he was there with Elizaveta. The expensive cheese was good, but personally, I think the cheap kind tastes better. It was pretty good. It got even better when Tino came to our front door. He made Niklas, Mathias, Berwald, and Emil sing Christmas Carols door-to-door. It was hilarious, but I tried not to laugh, I gave them ten dollars for their troubles (I'll never forget seeing Emil sing, mostly because I filmed it all!).

Dec. 25,

Today was Christmas, and Lili seemed really excited. She ran downstairs and opened her gifts. Some of them were from Tino; since he does the whole "Santa Clause" thing (I put a house-key under the doormat so he doesn't try to stuff himself down the chimney like last year). I got Lili a bunch of stuffed animals and stuff like that. But I got her one really big gift, it was army supplies. It consisted of MREs [3], an army bag, an army jacket, a knife, a fire starter, and a high power flashlight. She seemed happy with what she got (I know I would). Then Lili went to her room and came back with a present, for me! I thought, _It's probably something that decreases my manliness._ but I opened it, and it was a gun sleeve to hold my bullets! Lili said she made it herself, which surprises me, because it's so well made. It's definitely going on my SIG-550.

Dec. 26,

I got a letter in the mail today, it read,

_Dear Vash and Lili,_

_You two are invited to my New Year's Eve party on December 31. It will be at my house, and I'll be sure Gil behaves himself._

_From,_

_Ludwig_

I told Lili we would go, because it looked like she really wanted to. And Ludwig usually sticks to his word, so he'll probably keep Gil under control.

Dec. 30,

The party is tomorrow, and I'm having second thoughts. Apparently, Alfred, Mathias, Francis, and Antonio will be there, and them and Gil mix about as well as fire and gasoline. But I'm still going, because Lili's friends will be there, and I'm not letting her down.

Dec. 31,

I was definitely over-worrying. Everything is going fine. Ludwig was right, it's all under control. There's not even a lot of alcohol at this party, so Lili should be safe. But it's a good party. It's 11:30, so I'm gonna stop writing, it's almost the New Year, and nothing bad happened. I'm surprised, but I'm not complaining.

[1] John Hancock was one of the people who signed America's "Declaration of Independence", he signed his name larger than everyone else's so that the King of England would see it.

[2] I'm referring to December 7, 1941 being the day that Japan bombed America's Pearl Harbor in Hawaii.

[3] MREs are Meals Ready to Eat. They're self-heating meals that are used on the battlefield in the military.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ch. 6 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Jan. 1,

I was wrong about the party being fine. I can't really remember anything, but I woke up next to Elizaveta, and we were both half-clothed ('83 all over again). I thought _Crap; I hope Gil doesn't know about this._ Well I saw him passed out with a camera, he took pictures. I looked at them, and it was '83 all over again. I deleted all the pictures (what they won't know won't hurt them). Then I realized that Lili was at this party, I rushed to find her. Thankfully, she was safely on the couch, sound asleep, fully clothed (except her sock, which was on the table). I didn't want to wake her up, so I wrote a note that said, _Lili and I left. –Vash _and put it on the table. Then I put on Lili's jacket (without waking her up) and I carried her home (she's so peaceful when she sleeps). I think we've both had enough for one night.

Jan. 3,

I'm fully rested now, since I spent all day yesterday sleeping and lounging around in my pink pajamas. Lili did the same. We were both exhausted (Elizaveta really tires you out when she's drunk). Neither Gil nor Elizaveta mentioned anything, so they've probably forgotten the whole incident. I don't need Gil knowing too many of my secrets.

Jan. 4,

I feel like such an idiot for writing down what happened with me and Elizaveta! Gil read my journal, so now he knows (I'm just glad I deleted those pictures, they were pretty graphic). Knowing him, he's probably already told everyone. Everyone's probably going to look at me awkwardly at tomorrow's meeting.

Jan. 5,

Everyone did look at me awkwardly! Arthur called me a "rapist-wanker". Lovino called me a "chocolate-coated raping bastard". Francis said "We should hang out more!". Alfred said "You're MY hero!". Everyone else just stared, except for Feliciano, who cried because he couldn't open his juice box. I was drunk when it happened! What don't people understand? It was an accident (so was '83)!

Jan. 10,

It seems like people finally dropped the whole incident. I'm glad they forgot what I did (although Elizaveta was just as voluntary as I was). At least I've gotten around with Elizaveta more than Rodderiech has (sissy).

Jan. 11,

Last night, someone was knocking at my door. I opened the door, and Feliciano was there, he kept whining "Vash! Thank goodness you're here! Ludwig wasn't home, and I got scared because I had a bad dream! Please let me in!" Of course I couldn't say no, because Lili was right there, and it was cold and he was shivering. Feliciano is such a baby. He was wearing footsie pajamas, and he brought a blanket, a juice box, and a bag of hard pretzels (What is this? Preschool?). He came in, sat on the couch, and draped a blanket over him. He grabbed the TV remote and started watching SpongeBob Squarepants! He needed help opening his juice box and pretzels. He eventually fell asleep, so I just turned off the lights and left him there. He is such a child, Lili's more mature than him.

Jan. 12,

Feliciano left this morning. Then I went to Ludwig's house to ask him where he was yesterday. He told me he had "important work" to do. But I can tell when people lie, and Ludwig certainly was. He probably went to the bar, or something like that.

Jan. 13,

Today was very disturbing. I was minding my own business, when Lovino came to my front door. I let him in, and he gave me this angry speech (Lili wasn't home, thank God) It went like, "You •••••••! Who the •••• do you think you are? Letting my ••••hole brother stay here! If this ever happens again, then I'll shove your ••••ing rifle up your ••• and pull the trigger! Do you understand?" I told him to go home or I'll tell Antonio that he used foul language. That seemed to shut him up. He went home without saying anything, so I guess Antonio really punishes him for talking with bad language.

Jan. 14,

Lovino wasn't going down easily. I found a note on my door that said _It's not over yet, chocolate-coated bastard.-Lovino _I think Lili might've found that note, because I left it on the table, and she seemed kind of disturbed for a while. She'll get over it, it's not like it's the end of the world, or anything.

Jan. 15,

Dear Switzy,

I'm sorry for writing in your journal, but we need to talk, and I don't want to see you when your feelings are hurt. You can't look at the world through your gun. I want you to be more social. You don't have to be so over-protective around me, I can take care of myself just fine. I still look up to you, but I want you to make a better example for me. And one more thing, I don't like you keeping all these secrets from me (like '83, because I already know). I never hide anything from you. I hope that you'll take my advice.

-Lili

Jan. 16,

Wow Lili that hurt. I feel awful that you don't think I make a good example. And how do you know about '83, young lady? And I doubt that you don't keep secrets from me? What about you dating Emil! Or Peter! Raivis is ok because he likes Michelle. But if you wanted to tell me this, you could've done it in person.

Jan. 17,

Apparently, Lili isn't dating Peter, or Emil, (or that slightly possible Raivis). She didn't like me making false accusations about her. She wasn't mad, it was sort of a warning. But still, there's got to be better communication between us. It's important that we maintain a healthy relationship, and as her big brother, it's my job to make that happen.

Jan. 18,

I've decided that starting tomorrow, I'm getting advice from a big brother, to learn how to be a better brother. Then I'll get advice from a nonviolent person to help me with my gun problems. Then I'll get advice from a woman on dating confusion. Then, I'll talk to someone to learn how to not keep secrets. Finally, I'll get advice from a loud-mouthed person to learn to be more social. With this five-step plan, I'll become the brother that Lili wants me to be.

Jan. 19,

I went to Wang for advice on being a better brother, since he fights with Kiku, but always forgives him (somewhat). He told me, "If you want to be a better big brother, you need to learn trust, aru." he said that if I learn to trust Lili, then she'll learn to trust me. Then he demonstrated for me. He called Kiku into the room and did a "trust fall", but since Wang's sleeves are so long, he missed, and Kiku hit the floor. Wang apologized, but Kiku just gave him a death-glare and walked away. Step one: complete.

Jan. 20,

I went to Feliciano for advice on being nonviolent. He might not be smart, but he sure knows how to run away from a fight. He told me, "Being nonviolent is easy! Just don't carry any weapons, and eat pasta! Just ask Lovino! We never fight!" then Lovino walked in and said, "Feliciano you bastard! Why are you talking to him?" then he started punching Feliciano in the arm. Feliciano was like "Notice how I don't fight back! But could you please help me? This hurts!" I had to pry them apart. But now I understand nonviolence. Step two: complete.

Jan. 21,

Today I talked to Elizaveta about dating confusion. She told me, "If Lili says she's not ready for a relationship than don't make her feel like she has to. And you don't have to worry, Emil and Peter are nice boys. I also think you should prepare yourself for the day she actually does find herself a boyfriend. It doesn't have to be a big problem, but you make it one." What the hell is that supposed to mean? I swear, Elizaveta gives the worst advice. But I'll follow it, since I don't know any other women to talk to. Step three: complete.

Jan. 22,

Today, I had to learn how not to keep secrets. So I thought that Gil would be the perfect teacher. After he was done making fun of me for being a terrible big brother, he told me, "Secrets are bad for healthy relationship. You should always be honest, because if you aren't, then Lili won't be able to trust you anymore. I'll demonstrate; Hey Ludwig, I used your money to buy beer!" Ludwig responded by kicking Gil in the leg. But I'm not here to learn nonviolence. Step four: complete.

Jan. 23,

I went to Alfred to learn to be more social, because he's a loud-mouth. He told me, "If you want to be social, then you have to talk more! It's not like anyone cares what you say, they just care that you said it! If you talk more, people will think you're cool!" It's not the best advice, but it's not like you could expect anything better from Alfred. But now I'll just talk more at the meetings, I guess. Now that my five-step plan is complete, I'll be the best big brother ever! And Lili will appreciate me more.

Jan. 24,

I'm totally following my new advice! At today's meeting, I talked to everyone! And it was an actual conversation! Then, I got home, and Emil was with Lili, and I didn't care one bit! Later that evening, Feliciano ran across my lawn butt-naked, and I didn't even look at my gun! I also told Lili what happened at the New Year's party with Elizaveta, and Lili said "I'm glad you were honest with me Switzy. But you have to be more careful." She's glad I was honest! This is great!

Jan. 28,

After only four days, I realize that what I've been doing before is like a natural balance. Because I wasn't doing what I used to do, Peter and Emil hang out with Lili too much, Feliciano is stark-naked on my front yard 24/7, Lili knows too many of my classified secrets, and people won't leave me alone because they constantly want to talk to me. I can't take it! I need to restore the world back to what it was, it was good before!

Jan. 29,

Well, I reversed everything I've accomplished. And I'm glad, do you know why? Because I was a pretty damn good big brother before I changed! Everything is back to normal. I'm glad I'm back to being that nasty old mountain hermit. It's fun, and I'm never changing again.

Jan. 30,

Lili apologized for making me feel like I had to change to make her happy. That's a relief, because I'm never going through all that again. It's emotionally exhausting.

Jan. 31,

You know, I really couldn't reverse everything I did. Lili still knows about the New Year's party. I probably shouldn't have told her that. I now realize that when Lili said "no secrets" she still meant we could have boundaries. Oh well, you live and learn. She'll probably forget anyway. I'm just glad that the whole scenario's over.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ch. 7 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Feb. 1,

Today I noticed that my pink pajamas were missing. I suspected Gil, because he's done it before. But when I got to the meeting, I found out that Felix took them. He thought they were "fabulous". He was wearing them, and was asking Toris, "Hey Liet, like, how totally fabulous do I look right now?" I took them back. I didn't need him disgracing my sleepwear. I thought he already had pink pajamas. He probably got jealous of mine because they're better.

Feb. 2,

I think Alfred officially lost his mind today. He came to my front door and said, "There's six more weeks of winter because that stupid groundhog saw his shadow!" What was he talking about? Is this some type of tradition of his (I think I recall something like this from last year)? He's so odd! A groundhog? Really? If anything, his tradition should be _six more weeks of winter if I miss three out of five targets_. I'll figure it out.

Feb. 3,

Apparently that groundhog thing is a tradition in his country. I asked him today, and he told me that the groundhog's name is Punxsutawney Phil, after a city in America. That sheds some light on why he told me that yesterday, but I'm still not convinced that he's sane.

Feb. 4,

Today, I was target shooting in my backyard, and Rodderiech told me to keep down the noise. So I grabbed a quieter gun (a .22 caliber) and I drew his face on a target. I felt good to shoot his stupid face. It was a pretty accurate drawing; he was playing the piano in the drawing, with that intense look on his face. Although, how dare that stupid Austrian tell me to keep the noise down. When he plays his piano, I don't tell him to keep the noise down; I just wear sound-proof headphones. But I guess you can't please everyone.

Feb. 5,

Today, I realized that I had to hide that target with Rodderich's face from Lili. I don't want her thinking that there are hostilities between us, because she'll just schedule us for lunch so we can bond. I thought _Well, I can get rid of the target by burning it._ I went and got some matches, took a knife, and cut the target into shreds. Then I burned the shreds in my backyard. Then I put half of the ashes into one garbage can, and the rest into another, just for good measure. Lili may have her ways of finding things, but not that target.

Feb. 6,

I forgot that even though Lili can't find the target, she could still find my journal. She said that she was upset that I shot at a drawing of Rodderich's face. Well, she should be glad I didn't use his actual face, because I was tempted. Especially when he was playing Beethoven's fifth symphony way out of key. Anyway, Lili wants me and Rodderiech to do something together other than lunch, because clearly that's not working.

Feb. 7,

Rodderiech and I agreed to go for a walk, because it's free, and we don't have to do anything but walk. We went to the park, and we could tell that Lili, Elizaveta, and Gil were watching us from the bushes (Gil had a camera). I didn't really talk to Rodderiech at all. We mostly looked over to see what our stalkers were doing. I don't understand why Elizaveta and Lili want me and Rodderiech to hang out so much. Whenever I ask Lili, she says, "You two were such good friends in the past. Why can't you be friends again?" Well, Rodderiech still owes me twenty dollars from a few years ago, and he's not paying me back anytime soon.

Feb. 8,

Apparently Gil took pictures of me in the park yesterday. He told me, "I thought you two weren't friends." in the most sarcastic tone ever! I took his camera and deleted the pictures. I don't need people thinking that I'm friends with that loser. And telling them, "Well, my sister made me do it..." isn't a very good excuse.

Feb. 9,

Just because I deleted the pictures, it doesn't mean that they're completely gone. Gil had the pictures developed before he showed me. I have to give him credit, he really out-smarted me. Anyway, Gil put copies at today's meeting table. There was one picture for each chair. I spent the entire morning drawing over Rodderiech with a magic marker that I borrowed from Feliciano (he has a lot of them for some reason). I drew over each picture so that it looked like me walking through the park with Lili (I wanted it to look believable). Nobody bought it (except Feliciano) but they couldn't tell who "Lili" really was, so I'm safe, anyway.

Feb. 10,

I can tell that Rodderiech is grateful for what I did yesterday. He didn't want anyone to see those pictures as much as I did. It's just awkward when you think two guys are mortal enemies, and then you see them walking in the park. Rodderiech didn't say anything, but I can tell because he didn't play his piano today! That must be his way of saying "thank you". And I'll accept that. It was so quiet today.

Feb. 12,

Gil printed more copies of the pictures, and since there was no meeting today, he handed them out personally. I can't stop him this time, Feliciano took his marker back. And breaking into people's houses and burning the photos in front of them isn't very dignified. I'll just have to wait until the next meeting which is next week.

Feb. 17,

I walked into the meeting today, expecting everyone to ask questions and laugh at me, but nothing happened. I guess nobody really cared (now that I look back, it wasn't really that big of a deal). So I win again! Gil has failed at humiliating me, yet again! He'll have to think of something better next time (not that I want him to).

Feb. 18,

I went to Yao's restaurant today (don't ask, because I don't even know) and I noticed that he has a lot of competition nearby. Alfred's McDonald's is a few buildings away. Kiku has a Japanese sushi place across the street (that must be awkward). Antonio has a diner, but he's a bit too personal with the customers. Ludwig's diner is scary, because he threatens his customers. And Francis has this really expensive place. But I don't really care, because all of those restaurants are terrible (if it isn't the food, then it's the service). I'll just stick to buying food from the supermarket.

Feb. 19,

I went to the supermarket today, and even though the items are quality, the checkout lines aren't. Heracles was the cashier, and he is the laziest person ever! It's even worse when he starts up a conversation with Antonio, because that makes him work even slower! Then there's Rodderiech spazzing out, he's like, "Stop chatting! We're all trying to get through the line, here!" He's probably anxious to get to his piano (his "love"). I wonder when those two will get married and have a little keyboard child (I wouldn't doubt that)! But, anyway, that's why I use the self-service checkout line. It's much faster than Heracles!

Feb. 20,

Today Francis wanted me to give him advice on banking (because I'm filthy-stinking rich). He said that the bank was funding too much of his money. I told him that he should start with a good bank, and he told me that his bank is fine. Then he took me to his bank, and I could see why they were funding his account money! The ATM machines were solid gold! The whole bank was made of marble! They hired these really attractive women to work there! And he wonders why they're funding his money! What doesn't he understand? He's a hopeless wreck.

Feb. 21,

Francis really has to switch banks. He asked me for money today, but I didn't give him any. I told him to ask Antonio or Gil. So then he told me he already did, and they said no. Well, I guess that makes three of us, then. I'm not giving him money after I told him how to save some. He's not that intelligent.

Feb. 22,

I noticed that Alfred is also low on cash. However, he's got no excuses, because I know that he's in debt to Yao, and he's not paying him. I also know that Yao charges interest for every month he's not paid. So Alfred should wise up and pay Yao before his debt gets too expensive.

Feb. 23,

This morning, Gil saw me eating chocolate, so he walked up to me and told me, "Belgian chocolate is better than Swiss chocolate!" I really took offense to that, but I doubt that's true. So I'm going to acquire (not steal) a sample of each big chocolate making nation to prove that no one makes chocolate better than the Swiss.

Feb. 24,

I've acquired a sample of Swiss, French, German, Belgian, Italian, and even American. I had to steal the Belgian chocolate because Bella is very secretive of her chocolate. Anyway, I had Lili blindly taste each one, and had her decide. The American ones were out first (shocker). She thought the French ones were too rich. The Italian ones probably would've been good, if Feliciano hadn't turned the chocolate into a sauce and top it on pasta (I had to scrape it off the pasta). She ruled out the German ones. So then it was just the Swiss and the Belgian, and do you know what she picked? Well, life doesn't always have happy endings, because she chose the Belgian. I didn't tell her, because it would upset her. Honestly, I like the Swiss better.

Feb. 25,

I need to find a chocolate recipe that beats Belgian chocolate. I spent the whole day reverse-engineering both samples to see what was different, and I noticed that the Belgian chocolate was smoother than the Swiss. Mine was richer. So now I can improve my recipe for chocolate. I'll start making some now that I know what to do.

Feb. 26,

After a night of experimenting, I've come up with chocolate that Lili prefers to the Belgian. At tomorrow's meeting, I'll put it to the test.

Feb. 27,

I came to the conference room early, and put my new chocolate in Bella's seat, so she'll find it, and hopefully eat it, and see how good it is. People started arriving about half-an-hour later. Bella came in and found the chocolate. But she didn't see it as a threat as it was intended to be. She thought it was a gift from Antonio! Why can't people do things right? She told Antonio "thank you", but Antonio looked confused. I was outraged! Taking a Swiss threat as some kind of gift! So I yelled out, "Bella! Those chocolates aren't from Antonio! They're from me!" although, that didn't sound as I intended it to. I tried to explain myself, and how I was trying to prove that Swiss chocolate's better than Belgian, but it was too late. People started whispering amongst themselves. I heard Gil say "I knew it." That's just great. Now people think that I'm in love with Bella, which I'm not! I just hope Lili doesn't find out.

Feb. 28,

Today, Lili found out. Elizaveta came to my door and started rambling on about "feelings" and "love" and all that crap. She was like, "Oh Vash, I'm glad that you're expressing your feelings toward Bella. She's such a nice girl. Don't worry; I'll convince her that you're a good person to date. May I speak to Lili in private, please?" I was going to tell her to get lost, but she already walked in, and Lili was there. So then they were talking about me "making progress" and "being social" (I was eavesdropping on their conversation). Now Lili thinks that I like Bella. Why do lies spread faster than the truth?

Feb. 29,

Lili tried to talk to me about dating today. I was going to explain that it was all a misunderstanding, but it's not even worth it. No one will accept the truth anyway, so I just had to listen to Lili talk to me about romance. I hope she still reads this journal, because then she would understand. It's not like I'm going to follow her advice. She's trying to tell me how I should ask out Bella, and that's not really important to me. What is important is that my chocolate's better (Why couldn't people talk about that, instead?).


	8. Chapter 8

**Ch. 8 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Mar. 1

Today, there was a note on my front door that read "You mess with the bull, you get the horns. –Antonio" He must be referring to that whole chocolate misunderstanding with Bella. He probably sees me as some type of romantic rival. But it's okay, because Antonio's not that threatening (he looks kind of weak). I hope that this whole thing ends soon.

Mar. 2,

It would seem that people still have the wrong idea. Elizaveta left a stack of papers in my mailbox that where labeled "How to ask Out a Woman" I appreciate the concern, but it's all a misunderstanding. I'm putting an end to all of this.

Mar. 3,

Today I wrote a letter to everyone who knows about the incident. It read,

"To whom it may concern,

I am informing you that the chocolate I gave to Bella was not a token of my affection. Rather, it was a sample of Swiss chocolate that I was testing to see if it's better than Belgian chocolate. I gave it to Bella because I knew that if she preferred it to her own chocolate, then mine would have to be good. I hope you will understand and drop the whole incident.

–Vash"

I hope that will help people understand the truth.

Mar. 4,

Well, it appears that everyone (except Gil) got the message. They all acted like nothing happened, except for their apologies (which Gil did not offer). Antonio apologized for "threatening" me, even though I know I could beat him in a fight anytime if it weren't for my neutrality (he should really work out more). I'm glad that whole thing is over. I've learned my lesson, "Think before you speak"! The worst part is, I don't think Bella even ate the chocolate (that was a waste).

Mar. 5,

Antonio asked me for some chocolate today. I asked him why, and he told me he wanted to give some to Bella, because she likes my chocolate! She did eat it! That made my day. Mission accomplished, I created a chocolate that even the Belgians prefer to their own! I gave Antonio the chocolate he wanted (it's not like Bella likes Antonio, anyway). I hope Antonio can deal with rejection (I certainly can, but I'm not getting into that story).

Mar. 6,

It would seem that Antonio doesn't need to deal with rejection (maybe women like Antonio, but don't like me). Bella agreed to go on a date with him, although, it was probably the chocolate that really sealed the deal. I'm not going to worry about this at all, since I DON'T like Bella!

Mar. 7,

I had to make some more chocolate today, since Antonio took mine yesterday. Come to think of it, why did I give Antonio my chocolate in the first place? It's not financially good for me. Every time I make chocolate, it costs me $5.75 in ingredients! That's way too much! I'm not lending anyone my chocolate unless it's a life or death situation!

Mar. 8,

Feliciano streaked across my lawn again last night, because of his "nightmares". So today I went to Ludwig to talk about Feliciano's constant nightmares that lead to him being stark-naked on my lawn. Ludwig told me that he can't control what Feliciano dreams about. I don't care what Feliciano dreams about! I have at least one nightmare every night! And do I resolve it by stripping all of my clothes and running around outside? No I don't (Francis is one very good reason not to do that). I just think that Ludwig should tell Feliciano not to run through my property without clothes on.

Mar. 9,

Apparently, Ludwig didn't talk to Feliciano, because he did it again! I've had enough of this! This is exactly why I'm building a picket fence around my property line (with cheap wood, of course). It's about four and a half feet tall, so there's no way Feliciano can jump over it! My problems are solved.

Mar. 10,

Never mind what I said yesterday. Feliciano owns a ladder that can reach six feet, so he climbs my fence naked (Why can't he just go around?). He left two ladders in my yard, one to get in my yard, and one to get out. And I'm not going to move them, because he'll just find a way. He always finds a way.

Mar. 11,

Feliciano came to my house again, because Ludwig wasn't home. I really didn't want him falling asleep in my house again, so I called Lovino. When Lovino heard that Feliciano was at my house, he came over right away, and he was not happy. He said, "Feliciano, you •••! Why are you in this •••••••'s house? We're going home right now!" Then he dragged Feliciano out by his hair curl. It looked very painful.

Mar. 12,

Feliciano looked pretty bad today. His hair was all messy, and his curl was bent out of shape. He had a black eye, a bruised nose, and pasta sauce all over his shirt (he should really learn how to do laundry). Lovino must've beaten him pretty bad when they got home. Either that, or Feliciano got mugged by another elderly woman, like he did a few years ago. I'm still going to talk to Ludwig about this arising problem.

Mar. 13,

Ludwig said that when he's not home, he's not responsible for anything Feliciano does. I asked him if there's another place he can run to when he's scared. He said that he can go to Kiku's house. I'm telling Feliciano to go there (he doesn't even need to cross my lawn to get there).

Mar. 14,

Kiku was pretty mad at me today. Apparently, Feliciano got scared again last night, but Ludwig wasn't home, so he went to Kiku's house and told Kiku that I sent him. I couldn't really object that statement, because I did involuntarily send Feliciano to him. So now Kiku thinks that I hate him, and that's why I sent Feliciano. And that is not true, I sent Feliciano because I don't want to take care of him.

Mar. 15,

I got sick of Feliciano's problem with 'who's house should I run to?'. So I gave Feliciano a list of people he should go to. It has the most reliable people at the top of the list, and the lesser ones at the bottom. How it works is that if Feliciano gets scared and has to run to someone's house, he runs to the first person on the list. If the first person on the list isn't home, then he goes to the second person on the list. And then it goes so on and so forth. I put myself as the last person on the list, so that he'll never come to my house. It's such an ingenious plan.

Mar. 18,

Three days and Feliciano hasn't come to my house at all! This is incredible! Most of my plans would typically backfire, but this one hasn't (yet).

Mar. 19,

I guess Kiku doesn't like being the second one on the list. He never leaves his home (never!). I seriously think Ludwig pretends that he's not home, so that he doesn't have to take care of Feliciano. I don't blame him, Feliciano can be very annoying. But, you'd think someone as smart as Kiku would figure out Ludwig's trick, and use it for themselves.

Mar. 20,

Apparently everyone figured out Ludwig's trick and used it for themselves. I can tell because I got stuck taking care of Feliciano (naturally, I blame Gil for telling everyone to pretend they're not home). I told Feliciano how he needs to learn how to take care of himself, instead of relying so heavily on other people. He cried and told me he wanted pasta. So I made him some cheap ramen noodles, because I'm not making him some expensive, quality pasta. Besides, ramen noodles are delicious! Especially when you add the seasoning to it. He reluctantly ate it. But he never learned how to take care of himself.

Mar. 21,

I knew that if everyone already knew to pretend that they're not home, then Feliciano would keep coming to my house. I told Feliciano, that if he ever gets scared of something (which happens often) then he should go to Lovino first. And if Lovino won't help, then he should sit down and watch cartoons to calm himself down. If whatever scared him is that bad, where he can't calm himself down, then he should go to someone's house. If Ludwig isn't available, then he should go to Rodderiech and Elizaveta's house. I know that Elizaveta won't turn down Feliciano, because she's too much of a pushover to people in need. So this problem is finally solved.

Mar. 22,

Well, Feliciano stopped coming to my house. But, naturally, some other problem had to arise, because my life is that predictable. And this problem is BIG! Bigger than anything else that's happened recently. Lili was playing outside with Peter (of course), and she tripped and scraped her knee! She told me it was no big deal, but that didn't stop me from grabbing a first-aid kit. I sterilized her wound with no time to spare. I put not one, but TWO Band-Aids on her knee. I told her that she should sit down and drink plenty of water. But she said she was fine, and went back outside. I guess she'll be fine, but I'm just worried about her, I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

Mar. 23,

Lili seemed alright to walk, so I brought her to today's meeting. It's been a while since I brought her to a meeting, and I want to be sure that she'll know what to do when she's old enough to take part in the meetings. I was giving a presentation on how nations should save their money more wisely (like me). No one really listened, except Yao, because he's all about money (which is why he tries to sell that gross food to people). Lili mostly talked to Michelle (who was being watched by Raivis). I guess Lili's too young to realize the importance of these meetings. She'll learn eventually.

Mar. 24,

Felix left a weird message on my phone's answering machine. He said, "Do you think I've, like, totally given up on getting my fabulous hands on your pajamas? Well then, you're totally in for a surprise! I've got, like, a fabulous plan to get them, and you'll never stop me." I thought he gave up on my pajamas a long time ago. He can't take me by surprise, it's impossible. We'll see who has the pajamas when his plan fails.

Mar. 25,

Today, Raivis came to my front door. He asked if he could play with Lili, but the way he said it didn't seem natural. I said he could, but he tried to strike up some conversation. I was thinking, _What is this kid doing?_ then, it hit me. Raivis was buying time. But for who? I quickly ran upstairs, and sure enough, Felix was in my room, looking for my pajamas. From what I understand, Felix asked Toris to make Raivis buy time by making him ask to play with Lili. Then, when I would be distracted, Felix would sneak into my room, through the window, and steal my pajamas. But it failed, because Felix thought he could fool me!

Mar. 26,

Toris apologized to me for making Raivis distract me so Felix could steal my pajamas. He said that it was completely Felix's idea, and that once Felix makes up his mind, there's no stopping him. However, he did say that he'll try to prevent Felix from getting any more pajama-stealing ideas. Toris actually has common sense, unlike a lot of people I'm forced into contact with. There's no chance Felix will get my pajamas.

Mar. 27,

Felix left a note in my mailbox that said,

"Dear Vash,

I'm, like, totally giving up on your pajamas. I've been trying to get them for, like, months now. I had at least fifty unfabulous attempts at stealing them. You no longer need to worry. Besides, I have Liet making me a pair of pajamas that will be much more fabulous than yours (I accidentally ripped the ones I had before).

-Felix".

I can't wait to see how "fabulous" his pajamas will be.

Mar. 28,

I put my pajamas in my army bag that I brought to the meeting, just in case. Felix was wearing his pajamas. It was awful. There was glitter on his shirt! Clearly, Toris isn't that good at sewing. The stitching wasn't as fine as how Lili sews. It kind of looked like Toris rushed himself because he really didn't care about Felix's needs. But I'm not going to say anything, because that will just stir up another pink-shirt conflict, and no one needs that.

Mar. 29,

Felix started leaving me alone, so he probably dropped the whole incident. I'm glad he did, because Felix can get very annoying, and my sanity is not to be tested. Why is it that he has to get jealous over a pair of pink pajamas? He is so weird. He's a cross-dresser! He doesn't wear girl clothing because he HAS to (like me), he wears girl clothing because he WANTS to. And it doesn't get much weirder than that.

Mar. 30,

Remember how Antonio was going out with Bella? Well, it would appear that Bella's older brother isn't too fond of Antonio. So they're having relationship problems (way to go Casanova).

Mar. 31,

It would seem that relationship problems turned into no relationship at all for Antonio and Bella. You'd think that Antonio would at least try to get their relationship back on track, but, like I said, he's not that strong. I honestly don't care about their new Romeo and Juliet problem, and I'm not going to get involved. My motto is, "If it doesn't concern me or Lili, don't get involved". And I'm going to obey that motto. If those two come to me for help, I'm going to do absolutely nothing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ch. 9 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Apr. 1,

Today, Bella did come to my door for help. Or, at least, that's what I thought. She said, "Elizaveta told me everything. And since Antonio and I are no longer seeing each other, I agreed." I honestly did not know what she was talking about, so I replied by saying, "Oh yeah, that's great. But can we reschedule to tomorrow afternoon? I'm kind of busy today." She agreed on coming back tomorrow at 3:00 for whatever it is that she wanted. The second she left, I called Elizaveta to ask her what Bella wants with me. She told me, "Well, Vash, I know how you have a crush on Bella. And I know how shy and sensitive you are about it, so I asked her if she would be interested in going on a date with you, and she said yes. She is such a sweet girl." My heart literally skipped a beat. Something tells me this wasn't an April fool's joke (Gil already egged my house). Elizaveta has to get a life! She can't do that! Now I have to go on a date with Bella! I can't tell her that I'm uninterested, because that's poor manners! What am I going to do?

Apr. 2,

This morning, I was wondering about how my "date" will go. Lili told me I had to wear something better. What's wrong with my Swiss Army field jacket? Lili made me wear a suit (I didn't even know I owned a suit). I'll admit, I looked rather dashing in a suit, but it's not a real date. I cooked dinner at around noon. I made cheese fondue (that's about as fancy as it gets) I even used the expensive cheese (Lord forgive me). Bella showed up at three o' clock. She was wearing a dress. I showed her in, and served her some food (I swear I saw Antonio looking through my window). The whole "date" was awkward. Bella told me that Elizaveta said I was a sensitive, funny, caring person who would be perfect for any woman (I felt my stomach churn when she said this). It was really the dumbest date I've ever been on (it was the ONLY date I've ever been on). I was glad when it was over. I gave Bella a box of chocolate before she left, as good manners. When she was gone, I took off that dumb suit, put on my field jacket, and went to sleep. I'm never doing something dumb like that ever again.

Apr. 3,

I told Elizaveta to never put me through that ever again. She asked me what happened (she was probably hoping for something interesting to gossip about). I told her that we ate food and talked about things that have happened recently, like Felix's pajamas, for example. And NOTHING romantic happened because I don't like Bella, I like... never mind. So the next time Elizaveta wants to bring some color to her miserably dull life, she'd better refrain from using me to hear something interesting.

Apr. 4,

Last night, Antonio snuck into my house to teach me a lesson for "stealing" his girlfriend. He wanted to beat me senseless. I didn't want to hurt him, but he wouldn't get out of my house, so I gave him a black eye so he would leave. He seriously should hit the gym.

Apr. 5,

Gil spread rumors that Antonio got a black eye because we were "fighting for Bella's heart". That sure gave Elizaveta something to gossip about. Gil said that I stole Antonio's girlfriend, so he got mad, and eventually, we fought over her. Because I would really fight for a person that I don't like. How does that work?

Apr. 6,

I told Bella that we should not date anymore. We should both see other people. I told her that I wasn't that into her in the first place, and that she should go back to Antonio. She was okay with that. I also told her that what Elizaveta told her was a lie. So we are no longer a couple (even though we were never a couple to begin with) and I am once again (sort of), a bachelor.

Apr. 7,

Alfred came to my door today, and said that he was hosting a potluck dinner. Since I love (free) potluck dinners. And I decided to bring Lili to this (free) potluck dinner. We left at around 6:00 p.m. We brought cheese fondue (made with only the cheapest cheese). It was a pretty good dinner, there was quite a bit of people there. I think everyone was there. Everything was going well, until Ivan showed up. He decided to bring vodka (I don't know why). Everyone (except the children who were there) got completely wasted. I can hold my liquor better than most of the people there, so I was one of the last people to get drunk. I knew that I had to protect Lili, so I took her home, and went back to Alfred's house to restore some peace. I knew that if I were to pass out, then I would wake up with Elizaveta '83 style, so I handcuffed her to a table. She was extremely angry, but I did it for both our sakes. I'm gonna stop writing for now...things are getting kind of hazy...

Apr. 8,

Well, for once I didn't wake up at a party with a half-naked Elizaveta next to me, so the handcuffs worked (I don't even know why I own handcuffs). Elizaveta was still cuffed to the table leg, but it would appear that she tried to escape, because there was a Bobby pin in the lock. I don't know why she's attracted to me when she's drunk. Aside from all this, the rest of the house was in pretty bad shape. Everyone was passed out; either from fatigue or alcohol (I don't know why I always wake up first at these parties). It looked like Antonio and Bella had their own little '83 moment (at least I'm not the only one). There was a pair of dirty socks (probably Alfred's, because they were red, white, and blue) in my cheese fondue, which no one ate (how depressing). I was afraid to inspect anymore of the damage. I got scared when I saw a pants-less Francis cuddling with a shirtless Arthur (gross). I left before anyone else woke up, because I don't want anyone "volunteering" me to clean up. I took my cheese fondue bowl (I reluctantly dumped out the old moldy cheese that was in it this morning). Why did Alfred have to turn a potluck dinner into a drinking party?

Apr. 9,

Gil couldn't get any pictures of me and Elizaveta, thanks to that pair of handcuffs I used on Elizaveta. Instead, he got a lot of pictures of Antonio and Bella. He sent those pictures to pretty much everyone. I had to hide the ones he sent me. They were very graphic and adult, and I don't want Lili to see Antonio and Bella getting drunk '83 style (they even disturbed me a little). Why would Gil mail something like that? I'm about 99% sure that that's illegal.

Apr. 10,

Elizaveta must've got those pictures, too. She told me, "I'm sorry Vash; I know that you like Bella. She probably didn't know what was happening at that party. She was probably drunk. But don't worry; I'm pretty sure that she likes you too." I was fed up with Elizaveta's cluelessness, I just screamed out, "I don't like Bella! When will you understand that? Please just leave me alone! And I've got news for you; we've done that same thing numerous times! I'm just the only one who realized it! I'm sorry for yelling, I just need some time to myself." That made her leave.

Apr. 11,

My little outburst yesterday made Lili and Elizaveta think that I was upset about Antonio taking Bella away from me. We went on one date! What do I care? It wasn't even a real date. I'm not upset because Antonio "took Bella from me". I'm upset because people don't understand what I'm trying to tell them.

Apr. 12,

I didn't know what to do about Elizaveta and Lili thinking I'm upset about Bella and Antonio, so I sought out advice. So I went to the smartest person I know...Kiku. Kiku told me to explain to Elizaveta and Lili in full detail, why this is all a misunderstanding, he said, "You need to exprain to Riri and Erizaveta that you don't rike Berra, and that they misunderstood what happened throughout arr this confusion." Well Kiku, I'll do just that.

Apr. 13,

It was much easier to explain this to Lili than it was to explain to Elizaveta. Probably because Lili's more willing to accept it than Elizaveta. I also explained it to Bella, for good measure, and I told her about Elizaveta's gossiping. Nobody really cared when I told them this; it just changed their perspectives about me. When I was done explaining to those three, I went to Rodderiech to tell him that his ex-wife has been gossiping about my love life (which was completely inaccurate, by the way). He didn't care that much. Usually (unless it has to do with Beethoven or Bach) Rodderiech usually doesn't care about what I have to say. And I really couldn't care less about what he says, either. So that pretty much balances out.

Apr. 14,

It seems like people no longer believe that I like Bella. It took about a month-and-a-half but at least it happened. I'm pretty sure that Bella's just as happy as I am. Antonio's ten times happier. Everyone wins!

Apr. 15,

Lili and I went on a picnic today. It's been a while since we've had one, so I agreed when Lili asked. We packed some sandwiches (with Swiss cheese, of course). I packed some bratwurst, too (it's so good). We didn't talk about any issues that recently have, or are currently happening. Lili asked me how my journal was doing, and I told her that I don't write down any of my feelings. I just write down current problems. I don't write my emotions, I write my ideas and perspectives. Aside from all that, lunch went pretty good. I'm glad me and Lili went on a picnic, because it's been a while since we have.

Apr. 16,

Gil, Antonio, and Francis tried to get into my house today. I think they wanted to "borrow" some money. And Francis possibly wanted to look through my underpants (God knows why). They didn't attempt it for a while, but I heard them talking. I heard stuff like, "Vash won't mind if $20 is missing..." or, "Where does Vash keep his underpants? I will have it!" and the occasional, "I wonder if Bella will call me. Or maybe I'll call her. What do you think guys?" I'll let you guess who said what. Gil and Francis (Antonio had a date with Bella) tried to climb through my window, so I pushed down there ladder when Gil was halfway up. They tried to climb up again, so I took my Swiss Army knife and sawed through the last few steps, so they can't use that ladder anymore. They left, but trust me, they'll think of something else to annoy me.

Apr. 19,

It took a few days, but they thought of something. They taped inappropriate pictures of me back in '83 all over my front door. I tore down all the pictures and ripped them up before Lili saw them. And I swear I saw Francis running away with one of the pictures, so God knows what he'll be doing with that. I didn't know there were any existing photos of '83 that I haven't either burned or used as targets. The Bad Touch Trio is a crafty bunch. You never know what they're planning or why they're planning it, but there business is not to be messed with.

Apr. 20,

I think that the Bad Touch Trio is planning something else that involves me. I can tell because they were watching me yesterday and talking in privet. I can't wait to see what it is this time (I definitely used a bit of sarcasm there). They can't let April fool's Day be just one day like it's supposed to be. They make it April fool's month. They play pranks year-round, but there pranks are more concentrated in April.

Apr. 22,

I have three questions: _Where am I?; How did I get here?; And why do I have my journal with me?_ I woke up this morning in a place that I didn't fall asleep in, and I'm in a strange place that is cold and creepy. I'm not scared, Vash Zwingli never gets scared. I'm just a little concerned. I might be able to find my way back, if I figure out where I am. I'll let you know what happens later.

Apr. 23,

Apparently, yesterday, I was on Ivan's property, which would explain the low temperature and creepy setting. I was able to find my way back, but Ivan wanted money, because he helped me solve the problem of not knowing where I was, but I didn't have my wallet, so now I owe Ivan $20, or else his creepy sister Natalia will stalk me for a few weeks, and she's pretty scary. I don't see what Toris sees in her.

Apr. 24,

I gave Ivan his $20, so I'm safe from Natalia. Then I went to give the Bad Touch Trio a piece of my mind. I asked them why they did that to me, and Gil's response was, "We thought it'd be funny." I asked them how I got in Ivan's front yard, and they said they carried me while I was sleeping. They waited until they knew I was asleep, and then they carried me to Ivan's front yard as a sick joke (I'm just glad that I didn't wake up with Elizaveta for once). What is wrong with those guys?

Apr. 25,

Lili asked me where I was yesterday. I don't think she'd be able to handle the truth, so I told her that I was in the park, taking a walk in the moonlight (yes, I do that) and I got home late because I lost track of the time. And by the time I got home, Lili was already asleep. Fortunately, I got home early in the morning, so Lili was asleep, thus making my story believable.

Apr. 26,

I always forget that Lili reads my journal. She found out, and said she was mad that I lied to her (What is she? My mother?). I apologized for my lying, probably because Lili isn't nice to be around when she's mad, and I don't want another "honesty" lesson from Gil.

Apr. 27,

Lili gave me my punishment for lying to her (I'm supposed to be the one in charge of her! Not the other way around. I just can't tell her 'no'.). I have to give up ALL of my guns for a week! That's crazy! If I'm still alive in one week, I'm going to have a (not too mean) talk with Lili. How will I live?

Apr. 28,

Since I'm not allowed to have my guns for the next week, I started using my Swiss Army knife. Basically, I've been shaving pieces of wood. Not carving, because I'm not making anything, I'm just shaving wood into smaller pieces of wood. It passes the time, but it doesn't fill the void in my soul where guns used to be.

Apr. 29,

I figured out today, that shaving soap is way more fun than shaving wood. Plus, I can carve soap much easier than wood. So I went to the store, and bought ten bars of soap. Unfortunately, Gil was there, and he saw me with all that soap, so of course, he said, "Wow, Vash! You're finally taking a shower!" I didn't find that funny. I shower twice every day! I don't know what he's talking about. Even the pretty lady working the cash register laughed at Gil's comment (at least I'm not stuck working a cash register, lady). I settled this by punching Gil in the stomach, and walking home.

Apr. 30,

I started carving soap today. It's pretty easy. So far, I'm working on my second bar of soap. The first one, I carved into the Swiss flag. This one, I'm carving into the Liechtenstein flag (for my precious Lili). Carving soap really passes the time when you can't use your guns (even though it will never be the same). I can't wait until I can use them again. I was really looking forward to shooting my SIG-550. In four days, I'll make up for that lost time with my guns.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ch. 10 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

May 1,

I still have three days before I can use my guns. It's humiliating being grounded by your little sister. Emil came over to "play" with Lili. He must've purposely known I can't use my guns! Lili didn't say I couldn't use my knives, though. Watch out Emil, just because I don't have my guns, I can still use knives...or my bare hands. Emil better stay away from my little sister if he knows what's best for him. I never did like that guy.

May 2,

Two days until I get my guns back. Feliciano streaked across my lawn, and I couldn't shoot at him. I'm having a little trouble with this ban on guns. Naturally, I need them the most when I can't use them. I had to let Feliciano park his naked ass on my lawn while he cried because he spilled pasta sauce on his pajamas (it's not like he uses them anyway). Why me? Everybody's an idiot except for me and Lili (maybe Ludwig and Kiku, because they have common sense). Feliciano got lucky today.

May 3,

There's one day until I get my guns. But I don't care! Francis broke into my house and was stealing -not mine- but Lili's undergarments. That made me angrier than Rodderiech when he found out about '83! It's one thing when Francis takes my underwear, but it's a completely different matter when he takes Lili's! I grabbed my SIG-550 (I knew where Lili hid my guns) and I slammed the butt of the gun into his cheek. I was trying so very hard not to shoot him. He degrades the dignity of my Lili, and he's gonna pay for it! I threw him out the second floor window. And to make things worse (for Francis) he fell on a pile of dog shit! That'll teach him not to mess with my little sister.

May 4,

I told Lili what happened yesterday. She said it's alright, because I was just defending her. I thought I'd be off the hook now. But Lili made me go without guns today, since I used one yesterday. At least I was honest, because I can't survive if she gives me another week long ban on guns for lying.

May 5,

Finally, I can use my guns again. It strange how one week (not including the Francis incident) can feel like eternity. I went into my yard the second I woke up to shoot of a few .223 rounds. It was great.

May 6,

Feliciano streaked across my lawn again. But this time I was able to shoot at him. That scared him; he was like, "Please don't hurt me! I'm just passing through to get to Ludwig!" I feel bad for Ludwig. He has to put up with Feliciano, and that can't be easy.

May 7,

Gil and his friends are all idiots! Today, the Bad Touch Trio and the Awesome Trio were fighting over possession of Gil. Antonio and Francis versus Alfred and Mathias; Gil just stood back and watched. It looked like a gang fight. Eventually, Antonio called Lovino for backup. Lovino showed up, but only because he wanted to punch someone (because he's ALWAYS mad!). But in return, Mathias called Niklas, Berwald, Tino, and Emil to back him up (I always knew Emil was a bad kid). Alfred called Arthur, but Arthur didn't really care...until he found out they were fighting Francis! Eventually, it became a fight amongst Francis, Antonio, Lovino, Feliciano, possibly Matthew (I'm not sure), Bella (although, Antonio was "protecting" her the whole time), and Ludwig (I really expected better of him), versus Alfred, Mathias, Arthur, Niklas, Tino, Berwald, Emil, Peter, Kiku, Yao, and Ivan. Gil still stood back and watched. I can tell that this fight won't be ending anytime soon, so I'll just keep Lili out of it, and mind my own business.

May 8,

I said I'm going to mind my own business, but I think that 18 hours of nonstop fighting is enough. Besides, they're fighting on my yard, and it's getting annoying. So I'm just going to go out there with a Glock 18 and break everything up. If they don't listen, then I'll shoot a round near them (not at them). This fight got boring a long time ago. Everyone's so tired; they can barely move their arms. It's not only pathetic, it's embarrassing.

May 9,

Almost everyone at today's meeting was bandaged, and or in pain. That's what they get for fighting over Gil (who would want him anyway?). Emil and Peter were bandaged up. I knew they would, so I purposely brought Lili so she can see what happens when she ends up with people like them. She didn't get what I was trying to show her. It just made her feel sympathy for them (mostly Emil). She'll understand sooner or later.

May 10,

Today Gil told me that he's starting a "Neutral Trio" and wants me to be in it. I told him that's an awful idea, he's not even neutral. Who would the third person be, anyway? I think Ivan's sister Katyusha might be neutral (at least I'm not alone), but she's not as "openly neutral" as I am. I told Gil to get lost, and to leave me alone. The only reason he started a new group is so he can watch more people fight over him. Well, the day I fight over Gil will be the day Rodderiech stops sleeping with his piano!

May 11,

Gil tried to make me sign a contract, saying that I will be a member of the newly "established" neutral trio, until death. I ripped up his fake contract and told him to get lost. I knew that Gil would try and get Katyusha to sign the contract, which will make me sign it. I couldn't allow Gil to get away with making someone basically signing themselves up for a fake group that will end in disaster. I ran to Ivan's house, because I knew Katyusha lives with him. I told Ivan that if Gil comes to his door, then he's trying to make Katyusha sign up for a group that could possibly be dangerous (I might've stretched the truth a little). I then hid in a bush when I saw Gil coming. He walked up to Ivan's door, rang the doorbell, and BAM! Ivan punched Gil in the face. He was ok, but he learned his lesson: don't mess with neutral countries.

May 12,

Gil had a black eye today. When people asked him how he got it, he said, "I was walking around the neighborhood, when I saw Antonio and Vash fighting over Bella. I quickly rushed to the scene to break up the fight, which was getting ugly. I told them to stop, or they'll hurt themselves, and that's when Vash said, 'Nobody tells me what to do.' and he punched me in the face through his unbridled rage of knowing that the woman he loves is taken. And that's how I got this black eye." Can you believe this? No one will believe him, I was in this made-up fight, and I don't have a black eye or anything like that. Neither does Antonio.

May 13,

Gil must've found out that if his story is to be believable, he needs to make me and Antonio look like we got in a fight. He came to my front door, punched me in the face, and ran. I looked in the mirror, and I do have a black eye. I suspect that he's done the same thing to Antonio, if Lovino already hasn't. I thought Lili would ask me how I got the black eye, since she didn't see Gil punch me. When she saw my black eye, she walked over to the telephone in her room, closed the door, and called Elizaveta. I listened to their conversation from behind the door. I heard Lili say, "Elizaveta, Gil's story is all true. Big bruder has a black eye. He must really love that Bella girl. I'm so happy for him, he's actually in love. It's too bad he has to be so shy about it. He must be devastated that Bella's dating Antonio. It's no wonder he was fighting over her. We should do something about this. Okay, bye." That's just great. I can't wait to see what those two have in store for me. And I don't like Bella (and I'm certainly not lying about that).

May 14,

Apparently, Lili and Elizaveta, the two officers of love, are trying to make sure that Bella and I fall in love. Is that any of their business? Maybe I don't want Bella to fall in love with me (maybe). And to make matters worse, practically everyone thinks that Antonio and I fought each other. I ran into Antonio at the supermarket, and I could tell that he felt just as awkward as I did. Everyone thought we were going to start punching each other. If there's one thing Gil's good at, it's telling people lies. If there's one thing people are good at, it's believing lies.

May 15,

Today, at the meeting. Bella walked up to me and sat down in the chair next to mine. She asked me why I sent her flowers and chocolates. I thought, _I didn't give her flowers or chocolates. Unless it was Lili and Elizaveta! _I started to explain to her that I didn't send those to her (I don't have the guts to send her flowers and chocolates). But then, the Awesome Trio came out of nowhere, and took a picture of me and Bella talking. I don't know what they're going to do with that picture, but it probably won't be too nice.

May 16,

The Awesome Trio made a lot of copies of those pictures. They even put captions on them. They all read, "This picture shows Vash and Bella in love, talking about their relationship. _The two are made for each other. _Says Vash's little sister Lili. Please spread the news of this newly formed couple. -photo supplied by Awesome Trio." That's just fantastic! Everyone thinks that Bella and I are dating. And I guess Lili saw the picture too, as well as Elizaveta, because they were talking about it nonstop. They were like, "I guess they didn't need our help. Those two are so cute together." I've got to do something about this. If Antonio gets mad and tries to fight me, there's no question that the Awesome Trio would capture a picture of that to write down another juicy story. And me and Bella are not "cute" together.

May 17,

I think Bella saw the pictures, because she came to my house. She said, "Vash, if you're mad about those pictures, don't be. If you want to ask me out, then you should just do it. Antonio and I broke up last week. I thought it was really fun when we went on that date last week. Do you want to go out?" I was shocked. I didn't know that she liked me. Then again, Elizaveta probably told her to give me a chance. Knowing this, I had to say no, and that now wasn't the right time. She understood, and went home. I think Lili listened to that whole conversation, because she told me, "Why did you do that, big bruder? Elizaveta and I convinced her what a great guy you are, and that she should give you a chance. I know that you have a crush on her Switzy, I see you staring at her during meetings." I knew that they had to tell Bella to give me a chance. Why are people so obsessed with my romance life? If I like Bella, then I would ask her out. I don't need other people doing it for me. And I do not stare at her during meetings.

May 18,

Antonio told me to stay away from Bella. So I told him that it is my understanding that they are no longer a couple, and that I can do whatever I want. That made Antonio pretty mad, he punched me in the gut, but he's not too strong, so it didn't hurt that much, but it did make me pretty angry. You know what? I think I will ask out Bella. And you know what else? I'm going to love every second of that date. So take that Antonio. No girl can resist me, and I'm going to prove it. Besides, maybe if I ask her out on one date, it'll make people calm down about my love-life. Maybe Lili and Elizaveta will stop worrying about me.

May 19,

I put on my best suit today. It had a bow tie, a pocket-square, and most importantly, me. I grabbed a box of my finer chocolates (I don't know why). And I walked over to Bella's house. Hopefully, one date will make everyone calm down. Or maybe she'll say no, so I don't even have to date her. I'm going to end all this craziness. I rang her doorbell, and straightened out my shirt collar. Bella answered the door. Suddenly, my hands got all sweaty, and I felt like I was at a loss for words, but I quickly remembered what I was going to say. I said, "Bella, would you like to go out on a date...on Friday?" I held up the chocolates. She said yes! Now all I need to do is go on a date with her, and I'm in the clear!

May 20,

I can't help but feel confused. Do I like Bella, or not? I'm having trouble figuring out who I like. I'm going to go with yes, because she's the only girl who I've ever dated.

May 21,

I can't wait to get all this romantic stuff over with. What happened to the days where I loved my guns, and only my guns? It's four days until my "date", and we're going to some fancy French place to eat.

May 25,

Well, it's Friday. I got into my Audi, and drove to Bella's house. I was wearing my suit. It's not as comfortable as my Swiss Army field jacket, but Lili says I can't wear that. I'm just going to get this over with. Everything is so confusing anymore, though it's probably just me. Anyway, we got there, and went to our table. And I swear I saw the Bad Touch Trio, Elizaveta, and Lili spying on us through the window. Antonio looked like he was going to throw up! Gil had a camera. Francis was doing...something with his pants. Lili and Elizaveta were talking to each other, probably gossiping. And there I was, lost for words, sitting awkwardly doing nothing. Bella was skimming through her menu, so I thought I might as well too. Eventually I found out what I was going to get; thank God they serve cheese fondue here! I still didn't know what to say to her, so I said the first thing that came to my head, I cleared my throat, and asked, "So...shoot any good guns lately?" I must've sounded so stupid. But she actually answered, she said, "Well, actually, I shot an FN P90 PDW just last week." That's when I knew I was in love. She knows about guns! Most of the time, if I ask a girl what their favorite gun is, they'll say they don't take interest in guns. But not Bella, I can see why Antonio fancies her so much. She's any guy's dream! Eventually, are food arrived, I had cheese fondue, and she had chicken cordon bleu. Francis was practically drooling at the sight of French food. At some point, Antonio walked into the restaurant and made a scene. He asked Bella, "How could you leave me like this?" Bella told Antonio that they were no longer together and that he had no business being here, Antonio punched me in the stomach and walked out, only to continue spying on us. Lili must've seen Antonio punch me, because I was able to see her telling him off, and then punching him in the gut! Our date ended around 6:00. I drove Bella home, and then myself. Lili's going to tell about me about this tomorrow.

May 26,

Lili was talking to me all day. She was saying that this journal is working. She said that expressing my feelings through my writing is making me more social, and now I'm dating a girl. I don't express my feelings in here (do I?). Besides, that date was a one-time thing, twice if you count that "date" we went on last month. I can't recall ever writing my feelings in this journal, so I don't know what Lili's talking about. Oh well, I guess there's no harm done.

May 27,

Dear Vash Zwingli,

You'd better get away from Bella, she's mine. You'll be sorry if you don't. Bella and I are made for each other, and you're not going to get in the way of true love, 'Switzy'. So you'd better stop dating my girl, or I'll make you wish you never have.

-Antonio Carriedo Fernandez

May 28,

I'm sorry Antonio, I didn't know she meant that much to you. I (maybe) will stop dating her. I honestly think that decision would be up to Bella. And P.S. Antonio, if you're relationship with Bella is "true love" then why is it that you two broke up twice? And how did you get my journal? I could've sworn I had this thing hidden.

May 29,

Elizaveta came to my house today to "congratulate" me. She told me how good it is that I don't need other people's help to set me up on a date. Well, she's pretty damn right I don't need other people's help. I'm completely self-sufficient for myself. And Elizaveta has got to get a life if she's got nothing better to do than congratulate people for going on a date. It's not like Bella's my girlfriend or anything, that was just two friends eating dinner together. I don't see what the big deal is. Obviously, Antonio doesn't know that.

May 30,

Lili told me that she was reading my journal, and thinks that I have "conflicting emotions" about Bella. Lili said that I'm having trouble figuring out whether I like Bella or not, so my emotions are conflicting each other. Well, my emotions don't have conflicts because they're neutral like me. And I'm not confused whether I like Bella or not. I established this yesterday, that wasn't a date, it was dinner between two friends, and five stalkers watching through the windows. That's perfectly normal.

May 31,

Gil sent everyone the pictures he took of me and Bella. And one of the pictures showed Antonio punching me in the gut. He sent the photos to just about everyone, including Bella, because she seemed angry today. I knew I had to make things right, so I told Bella that we don't have to date if she doesn't want to, and that we could remain friends. She said she would appreciate that, so we are no longer dating. Finally, I can rid myself of all the emotional stress that I have collected through all this. I'm glad things can return to normal. Lili and Elizaveta seemed upset that I never kissed Bella; however there were many parts to our date that our five stalkers didn't see, due to some odd reason. So they have to ask themselves; did I kiss Bella?


	11. Chapter 11

**Ch. 11 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

June 1,

Well, since Lili and Elizaveta can no longer worry about getting Bella and I to date (because I told them not to, like 50 times) they've taken up their old interest. They've gone back to finding ways to make Rodderiech and me friends "again". And believe me, I prefer this way much more than them trying to make me ask out Bella (I'm never going through all that confusion ever again). I don't understand why some people (Elizaveta) like to involve themselves in drama. Seriously, if Elizaveta wasn't so nosy, '83 may have never happened (I can dare to dream). Elizaveta has got to get a hobby or something.

June 2,

I sure hope that my recent date with Bella hasn't affected Lili somehow. She's been "playing" with Emil a lot lately. I should really have a talk with Niklas about Emil's undesirable behavior.

June 3,

Niklas told me that he really doesn't care that much about what Emil does. He said that he thinks Emil is annoying, and while I agree with him, I don't think any older sibling should neglect their little brother/sister. I told him that he should spend more time with Emil, maybe they could go on a picnic every now and then. The whole conversation just convinced me that I'm a great big brother.

June 4,

Well, my wonderful little sister managed to make my life awkward. I was at the supermarket (I ran out of cheese), and when I got home, Lili was sitting in the living room. Elizaveta was there too, but, of course, so was...Bella. I nearly dropped my groceries when I saw her there. Why did Lili bring her? This was definitely a setup. Lili asked me, "Big bruder, why don't you sit down and join us?" I replied by telling her that I needed to clean my gun. Then I grabbed the dirtiest, oldest gun that I have, and showed it to Lili as proof. Then Bella said, "That gun is a Mosin Nagant. It's Russian-made, and takes 7.62x54mm caliber rounds." My jaw dropped! She was spot on! If she's saying all this to sound attractive, then it's working. Why does she have to be so...perfect? The gun cleaning can wait; I think I'll take a seat.

June 5,

I think yesterday went pretty well. We were drinking tea. I made my move on Bella by pouring her some tea when her cup was empty. I must be Romeo or something, because no one handles romance better than me.

June 6,

I guess Lili didn't notice that daring move I made two days ago. She hasn't mentioned it at all. Well, I'm not gonna make any more moves (as far as I know, after all, who can resist a woman who knows about guns?). I can't really explain how I feel about Bella. Everything gets awkward when I date her, but she's so attractive! She's everything that I ask for in a woman (and I'm not too demanding).

June 7,

Lili and Elizaveta must've realized that my constant "dating" with Bella has given Rodderiech less "bonding" time. Well, I'd rather bond with Bella than with Rodderiech. At least she knows what a gun is (unlike that aristocrat). Lili and Elizaveta made Rodderiech and I eat lunch together. I hate eating lunch with Rodderiech; he orders the cheapest food and never picks up the tab. We went to McDonald's, because we really weren't in the mood for eating. However, I did see Bella in the restaurant. I might've made it noticeable to Rodderiech that I was looking at her for extensive periods of time (not staring, I don't stare). He asked me, "Vash, are you drooling over your food or Bella?" It was quite obvious that, if I was drooling (which I wasn't) it was over the food, I was hungry.

June 8,

Lili asked me if we could go on a picnic. I couldn't see why not, so I agreed. I started making lots of sandwiches (you never know when you'll need extra). When we got everything into our picnic basket, we decided that we'll go to our area's local park. It's really nice there, it's in front of a lake, and there are lots of trees and flowers. It's amazing there, and I like going there. Little did I know that Lili led me into a trap. She invited Elizaveta, Rodderiech, and Bella. That's great, what was once family bonding turned into a date. Why wouldn't I expect this? Now I need to act like I'm not feeling awkward. I'll write down what happens later. I need to set up the picnic cloth.

June 9,

Well, I for one, think that that picnic went very well. The Bad Touch Trio showed up. Antonio tried to beat me up, but his punches are weak. Lili started punching Antonio for punching me. Gil was taking lots of pictures, so Bella was punching him for that (a woman who can fight...wow). Francis was rubbing his pelvis on a tree. I tied him to a different tree (with his crotch away from it, of course) for doing that in Lili's presence. Which reminds me, I should probably get him, I tied him there about ten hours ago, its dark outside, and wild animals might inhabit that park. The whole picnic was nothing but fighting. We barely ate. I guess that's what Lili and Elizaveta get for trying to trick me into dating Bella...again.

June 10,

I had a lot of leftover food from that disaster picnic that Lili and Elizaveta planned. I don't like wasting food (I paid good money for it) so basically what I do with the leftovers is that whenever Feliciano runs onto my property, I give him a sandwich and tell him that he can have more if he gets off my property. So far it's been working.

June 11,

You know when you go to a park in wooded areas, and there are signs that tell you not to feed wild animals because it makes them lose their fear of humans? I guess that rule applies to Feliciano, too. I gave him sandwiches so that he'll go away, but today, he ran onto my lawn, expecting a snack of some sort. I told him that I was out of sandwiches. That made him pretty upset. He was crying his eyes out. Eventually he ran home, still wiping tears from his face. I don't really feel bad about this, because Feliciano always cries. It's a completely different story if I make Lili, or even Bella cry (God forbid I ever do that).

June 12,

I guess Feliciano told Lovino that I didn't give him any food. He came to my door and said, "You chocolate-coated bastard! Why the •••• would you not give my brother any of your ••••ing food? He could've died of starvation, and it would've been all your fault, you •••hole! Now give my brother some food or I'll take your rifle and stick it up your ••• so far up that you'll be able to taste it! Are we clear?" I just slammed the door in his face. I know that when it comes to Lovino, he's all talk.

June 13,

Today, Lili was playing with Emil, Peter, and Raivis. Emil and Peter are complete idiots! Why on Earth would they decide to fight each other...for fun? It's probably just to show-off in front of Lili. Raivis is actually a decent kid. He didn't want to punch and kick his friends for enjoyment. If Emil or Peter end up getting hurt, I'm not going to help them one bit. If Lili gets hurt, I'd rush her to a hospital, and possibly take her to the intensive care unit if it's that bad. That's no joke.

June 14,

Today I went to see Toris and Edward. I just wanted to tell them how good of a kid Raivis is. I know he's not their brother, but he might as well be. I congratulated Toris and Edward for making Raivis normal (unlike Peter and Emil). The two seemed a bit surprised at my compliments. I'd prefer Lili dating Raivis (I think I'm gonna be sick), rather than Peter, or (God forbid) Emil.

June 15,

Lili got an invitation to Emil's 14th birthday party, which is in two days. Naturally I had to tell her she can go, because I can't say _no_ to her. I'm going to keep an extra-sharp watch on Lili. Emil's turning 14, so when his hormones kick in I'm doomed. There probably won't be alcohol at this party, so at least it won't be like every single party I've been to in the past few months. I hope that there will be a good amount of people at the party, because that would give Emil and Lili less time...alone (I'm feeling queasy).

June 16,

Today I was just thinking about how much "fun" it will be at Emil's party tomorrow. I wonder who else will be there. Hopefully some responsible people (although, in my world there are very few of those). There probably won't be any alcohol, since it's a kid's party, but that won't stop the party from getting out of control. Maybe some strange event will happen and the party will be canceled (though I doubt it).

June 17,

Today, I brought Lili to Emil's house. I stayed at the party, of course. Besides, there were lots of adults there. It was actually pretty crowded, so that was good (the large number of people will provide less privet areas). The party was going quite well, until Mathias thought it would be a good idea to bring beer. This is a kid's birthday party! Why on Earth would anyone bring beer? Fortunately, none of the children drank any beer. It's not like there's too many to keep track of. There's only Lili, Michelle, Peter, Raivis, and Emil, so that's not a lot to look out for. I'm not going to get drunk this time, because I know that Elizaveta's at this party, and I forgot to bring my handcuffs. I'm just going to have a sip.

June 18,

That beer was pretty strong stuff. I think I blacked-out after three bottles (it usually takes way more to get me drunk). I woke up this morning in (I think) Niklas's bedroom. I knew something wasn't right when I saw that my pants were missing. I thought _Oh no! Not again!_ But I looked over, and Elizaveta wasn't there. Bella was! I thought I was going to pass out again. How did this happen? Why are women so fond of me? Thank God that I woke up before she did, because she would never forgive me if she found out. I knew that if she woke up without pants, then she'd get suspicious; as she was sleeping, I tried to slip her pants back on, and when I did, I ran to get Lili (she was alright). She was sleeping, so I carried her home. I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. And I'm glad Lili was okay. I just don't know how I'll live with the guilt I have, knowing that I did...things to Bella. I like her, but I can't do that to her.

June 19,

I think Lili is getting suspicious. Today she asked me if I had a good time at the party. I responded by saying, "Well, I guess it was pretty good. Why are you asking me questions, Lili? Do you know about anything that might've happened at that party? Well, nothing happened! Especially not between me and Bella!" I swear, she knows that something's up. Lili's a smart girl, she'll figure it out sooner or later, and when she does, I'm doomed.

June 20,

Today, the Awesome Trio came to my front door. They asked me, "Vash, how was the party? Did you enjoy it? I know Bella did. What was it like?" First of all, I didn't enjoy it, because it's morally wrong to do that to Bella and then enjoy it afterwards. I like her, but I don't desire her (to some extent). I knew that something was up when they asked me this, though I had to give them $20 to tell me. They told me that I fell asleep in Niklas's bed at the party. When they saw me there, they thought it'd be funny to make it look like Bella and I did...stuff together. They got Bella, who was asleep on the couch, and they put her beside me, embracing me in her arms. And for good measure, they took off her pants. I told them that they must've taken off my pants too, since I wasn't wearing them when I woke up. They told me that they found me without pants on, so they didn't have to remove them. They also told me that in order for Bella to be next to me, they had to move Elizaveta, who was naked and on top of me. I guess it's good knowing that I never had an '83 moment with Bella (without her consent). But bad knowing that I had, yet again, another one with Elizaveta (I guess I'm used to it now).

June 21,

Lili must've read my journal again. She wanted to have a "talk" with me today. She told me that she was disappointed that I (accidentally) had an incident with Elizaveta...again. However, she told me that she was proud how I felt guilty when I thought I hit it off with Bella. Lili said that I respect and admire Bella, and that's why I don't want to have an '83 moment with her, no matter how pretty I think she is. She said that if I don't have Bella's consent on what I do, but I do it anyway, then I'd be "disgracing" her. Lili also told me not to ask Bella if I can go '83 on her, because I would be embarrassing her and Bella, because normal people don't do that. Well, I think I know how to have a relationship, Lili. After all, I've dated Bella...twice (take that Antonio).

June 22,

Today, I had a talk with Lili. I wanted to know what happened between her and Emil, maybe Peter (not so much Raivis). Lili didn't know what I referring to. Like she doesn't know. I asked her what Emil, or Peter, did to her. She told me that nothing happened. But that's exactly what she would want me to think. However, I can't back up my theory on Emil/Peter. Next time, I'll have to get proof of their guilt.

June 23,

Well, it would seem that Emil and Peter are innocent (this time). I asked some people at that party to tell me what they saw. Raivis and Michelle said that they were with Emil, Peter, and Lili, and they didn't see anything (probably because they're too busy kissing each other). I asked some adults, too. Edward, Toris, Berwald, Tino, Ludwig, and Kiku all denied knowledge of anything that may have happened to my sister. I guess it must be true, because those were all (somewhat) trustworthy people. I'm still not convinced that those two aren't after my sister, though.

June 24,

Lili told me that nothing happened between her and Emil, possibly Peter. She said that she's just friends with them. But I don't believe her; she's been "playing" with Emil a lot lately. Apparently, she watched cartoons and played (appropriate) games at Emil's party. I guess there's no harm done. However, Lili asked me to be a little less protective. No can do, Lili. I'm doing this for your own good. I've seen too much drama happen (mostly Elizaveta) to let that happen to you.

June 25,

Lili wanted me to "apologize" to Emil and Peter for "distrusting" them at that party. I've got nothing to apologize for, but I did it anyway. I know that if I don't, then Lili will get mad; and trust me, you do NOT want to see Lili when she's mad. I told Emil and Peter that I should've never doubted them, and that I have no reason not to trust them. It just confused them, because I never told those two that I don't trust them. Oh well, as long as it keeps Lili happy.

June 26,

Antonio must've finally found out about the Awesome Trio's prank at Emil's party. It took him eight days (it sure took him long enough) but he must've found out today. He told me, "Vash, did you like the idea of sleeping with my girlfriend? You're probably going to try and make that true. I know that you like Bella. You'd better back off my girlfriend...she's taken...by me!" Antonio doesn't understand that he's no longer dating Bella (if anyone is, I am). I didn't want to have to go through all this again, so I slammed the door on Antonio. When he's mad, he will not leave. It was a prank, anyway. Who cares? Does it even matter? And I will not make that idea true. What is wrong with people? And you're a bit slow on the update Antonio!

June 27,

Today Bella came to my door. She must've found out about the prank at Emil's party. She asked me, "Did you know anything about what happened at Emil's party between you and me?" I told her that I knew nothing until I woke up, and that it was all a prank. I didn't figure that out until two days later. She asked me how I felt when I saw her there next to me. I told her that I felt guilty, and that I'm feeling awkward now. That's all she wanted to know. Women are confusing. I guess she wanted to make sure I wasn't like _Oh hell yes!_ When I saw her next to me. That's how Antonio would feel. I actually take her feelings into consideration because I'm not a jerk.

June 28,

Francis walked up to me at today's meeting. He said, "Vash, congratulations! I heard about what happened between you and Bella. You get around quite a bit!" He said it pretty loud, everyone was watching...even Bella. I knew I had to do something, so I punched Francis (he fell over, too) then I said, "It was a prank, and I feel horrible about it." I probably looked pretty bad-ass. Everyone looked shocked I could tell that Bella was impressed, I could see it in her eyes (not that I was looking into her eyes).

June 29,

Francis came to my front door, and asked for an apology for what I did yesterday. I told him that he deserved what he got. He should really think about what he's going to say before he says it. I slammed the door in his face, but it took him half an hour to actually realize that I wasn't going to open the door. He needs to learn to take a hint. Francis isn't really what I would call 'smart'.

June 30,

Lili found out that I never apologized to Francis for punching him. She wanted me to tell him I'm sorry about what happened. I told her that he doesn't deserve an apology. Lili told me that if I don't tell Francis that I'm sorry, then she'll ban me from using my guns for a week (again). That made me apologize, though I didn't mean it. Francis told me, "I knew I was right." He wasn't right, he deserved to get punched.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ch. 12 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

July 1,

Lili wanted to go to Matthew's house today, because it was his birthday (I forgot about that guy). I told Lili that she can go. I told her that we can get him a gift, like some pancake mix, or something like that (I really don't know what he likes). Lili said that wouldn't be necessary, she spent the last few days making him some pajamas (they weren't pink, of course). Matthew appreciated us visiting. There weren't too many people there, only me, Lili, Gil, Francis, and Arthur. I'm glad that Emil wasn't there (which reminds me, his undesirable behavior is getting out of control). Anyway, Matthew liked the pajamas Lili made him; they had a maple leaf on the shirt. Why is it that I get pink frilly pajamas, but Matthew gets pajamas that are actually for his gender? I'm going to stop talking, if I accidentally offend Lili, she'll take my guns away again for sure.

July 2,

Today I went to have a "talk" with Emil. I told him that he's getting older, and his hormones (should be) kicking in. These hormones will make him want to do "things" to girls (I didn't mention any names, but I was referring to Lili). I told Emil that just because he wants to do "things" to girls, it doesn't mean he should do it; whenever I have an '83 moment with Elizaveta, it's purely on accident, and I try to prevent it from happening. I just thought that he should know this before he starts "playing" with Lili. That kid has problems; he's going to end up like Francis. I'm glad I was never like him when I was his age.

July 3,

Alfred gave me and Lili an invitation to his birthday party tomorrow. Lili and I are going (I'm probably going to regret it later). I'm not even getting Alfred a gift, he doesn't deserve one. I don't know if Emil will be there or not, but he probably will since Alfred is in touch with so many people. Elizaveta might be there too, so I'm going to bring my handcuffs.

July 4,

I brought lots of sets of plastic handcuffs (I wasn't going to waste money on metal ones; besides, plastic ones work just as well) to Alfred's party for good measure (there was a lot of people there). There was beer there, and I tried my best to stay away from it (I don't want to get drunk this time). I only had two bottles (I could handle that). Emil, Peter, and Raivis were there. I didn't have to worry about Raivis, because he was busy hitting on Michelle. Eventually, it got late, and people started to fall asleep. I grabbed the handcuffs, and handcuffed Elizaveta to a table (she was angry, but it was for her own good). I'm glad I brought lots of handcuffs, because there were lots of people who needed to be restrained. I handcuffed Emil to a table (he was already asleep, but just for good measure). I handcuffed Peter to a couch (he was also asleep). I, unfortunately, had to handcuff Bella. I told her it was for her own good, and that I'm sorry (it was tough). And I handcuffed Antonio (I don't need him making any moves on Bella while she's defenseless). And that was about it. Right now I'm sitting down on the couch next to Lili to make sure nothing happens to her. I'm gonna go to sleep now, but I think this party was a big success.

July 5,

I took the handcuffs off of everyone before they woke up today (I don't know why I'm always the first to wake up). I was worried about Bella...what if the handcuffs hurt her wrists? I'm a monster! But I only did it because I care about her! Oh well, what's done is done. She's probably going to hate me now, but it's the price to pay for her safety. After I released everyone, I carried Lili home. I don't want her to be there to see everyone having a hangover.

July 6,

Today, I went to apologize to Bella. I even brought her some chocolate, because she's probably gonna hate me, and I need to give her something to make it all better. I knocked on Bella's door, and when she answered, I handed her the chocolates and told her that I'm sorry for handcuffing her, and that I only did it because I care about her. She said that it's ok, and she forgives me. That's great! She doesn't hate me! I told her, "Thank you for not hating me!" I couldn't think of what to do next, so I did something I'm not proud of. I hugged her and then walked home. That was just my way of telling her I'm sorry, but what if she took that the wrong way? I'm such an idiot! Now she probably thinks I'm an idiot! And I don't want to waste money on more chocolate.

July 7,

I told Lili what I did yesterday, and how bad I feel about it. I told her that I don't want Bella to hate me; I just wanted to show her that I care about her. Lili said, "That's so cute Switzy! You really do have a crush on Bella. That's adorable! You two are so cute together." Well, I'm not gonna judge what Lili thinks about me and Bella...together. And for the record, I don't think it's "cute". It's not a crush...I was hugging her to say I was sorry. There is nothing wrong with that.

July 8,

Today, I walked over to Bella's house. I knocked on her front door, and when she answered, I told her, "Bella, I'm so sorry for what I did two days ago. I didn't mean to hug you, please don't hate me. It's just, I wanted to show you I was sorry, and I didn't know what else to do. I hope you can forgive me." Bella told me that she wasn't mad at me. That's good news! I told her 'thank you' and went to hug her, hesitated, and stopped. Why am I so awkward? Why did I stop myself? I feel stupid now. Oh well, you live and learn.

July 9,

Lili's birthday is coming up in three days. She's growing up so fast! It only seems like yesterday when she was a baby! Oh...anyway, I told her to make a list of people she's inviting. I told her to give me the list tomorrow. I hope nothing bad happens at her party. I still can't believe she's going to be fourteen! I'm gonna stop writing before I get all emotional (I'm not a sissy).

July 10,

Lili gave me a list of people who she wanted to invite. Basically, it's everyone we know. I question her choice of guests, but I have to listen to her. After all, it's her birthday party, and I told her she can invite whoever she wants. So I'll just let everyone know about Lili's party in two days. I'll make sure that nothing bad happens at the party...and I'll try to do it without handcuffs this time.

July 11,

Tomorrow is Lili's birthday. I spent all day cleaning the house (even though it will get messy anyway). I also started making food. I made cheese and chocolate fondue. And just to make sure this party is safe for kids, I put a note on all the bedroom doors, they read, _I know why you want the bed, but do it at someone else's party_. It's just a little safety precaution; I even locked the bedroom doors, just to be sure. This party is going to be the best one I've been to in a long time (there will be no '83 moments).

July 12,

Today, my little thirteen year old sister became my little fourteen year sister. She grows up so fast... Anyway, her party was today. Pretty much everyone we invited showed up. I made sure to keep a close eye on Lili; she was wearing her favorite dress, and I could tell Emil liked it. Every time Emil got a bit too close to Lili, I would walk over and save her. I would say something like, "Would you like some punch?" or something dumb like that. Later, I started to worry a little less about Lili. I turned my attention to another important matter...Bella. I thought, _Man, if only I had the guts to ask her to dance. Oh wait, there's no music...well, maybe we'll just talk._ I walked over to Bella and tried to start up a conversation. I asked her, "How are you?" See? I don't even need pick-up lines. Eventually, we got talking about guns; she knows a lot about guns! I told her that she's the first woman I've ever met who shares common interests with me. She told me that's "sweet", I wasn't trying to be sweet, I was telling the truth. Oh well, there's no harm done. I think I'm gonna go to sleep now. I'm exhausted.

July 13,

I woke up this morning, and Elizaveta wasn't next to me! Finally! Neither was Bella, so that's a bonus (kind of). Bella must've fallen asleep here, because she was here this morning. She told me that this party was really fun, and she had a good time. I thanked her for showing up. We got talking about chocolate (she thinks her Belgian chocolate is better than my Swiss chocolate). She left after about half an hour. All the other guests cleared out around noon. I'm going to be cleaning all day, the house is a wreck!

July 14,

Today, I gave Lili a late birthday gift. I didn't want to give it to her when everyone was running around the house, where she can lose it. I got her a .22 caliber handgun (I think she's ready). It's a good gun for beginners, with very little recoil. She was so excited! She loved it! I'll never forget my first gun... Anyway, I'm going to take her shooting after I finish cleaning the house. Of course, I'll let her shoot whenever she wants, but I want to be there when she fires that first round!

July 15,

I spent all day cleaning. People are disgusting! How do you get chocolate on the ceiling? It was probably Gilbert, because he doesn't want to admit that my chocolate tastes like a piece of heaven! Anyway, I had to pick up trash and scrub the walls and floors. It was beyond disgusting. I'm going to have to disinfect myself when I'm done cleaning. But it was worth having Lili's fourteenth birthday party.

July 16,

Well, my house is finally clean. And after a nice, long, disinfecting shower, I took Lili to a shooting range. I already taught her how to fire a gun, so she knew what to do. She fired that first round, and hit the target dead-center. She fired a few more, and she's a pretty good shot! Just like her big brother. There aren't words to describe how proud I am of her!

July 17,

Today, I realized that there is vital information that I must share with Lili now that she has a gun. I told her that, even though I shoot at people sometimes, I miss them on purpose. I told Lili that the only time she should shoot at anyone is if she is being threatened (rape counts as threatening, Francis). I just don't want her to think its ok to shoot people. She probably already knew that, but I just wanted to be sure.

July 18,

Arthur must have noticed Lili's new handgun. He stopped by my house and gave me a lecture on how "irresponsible" it was to give my fourteen year old sister a handgun. I told him it's no big deal, and that I got my first gun when I was six years old! That shut him up. He was either afraid, or annoyed by this, because he said "I really must go now." and then walked away. He's probably upset because he wasn't allowed to have a gun until he was eighteen (what a deprived childhood that must've been).

July 19,

Today, at the world meeting, Gilbert and Francis were being total jerks! I was walking around, minding my own business, and I saw Bella. I walked over to say hello. But that's when the drama happened. Gilbert ran up behind me and pushed me so I would fall on top of her. While we were both on the ground, with me on top of her, Francis took a lot of pictures. That's just great! Now, people are going to get the wrong idea when they see those pictures. This is terrible!

July 20,

Sure enough, Gilbert and Francis made flyers to go along with the "lovely" pictures they took. They posted the flyers everywhere! They even had captions. They read: _These two lovebirds, Vash and Bella, express their love for each other in the wrong place, at the wrong time._ Isn't that fantastic? Now everyone's going to think that Bella and I had a little too much fun at a world meeting!

July 21,

Today, I went to go for a walk alone in the park. I go on walks when I'm upset. And practically everyone I know was there, holding one of the flyers. Almost as if Gilbert and Francis called them all there, which they did! Those two idiots had everyone there to see me get humiliated. Gilbert started saying stuff like, "Vash, I know you love Bella with all your heart. And I know she feels the same way. But that doesn't mean that you two should make love in the middle of a world meeting!" Everyone in the crowd started to whisper excitedly and confusedly. I saw that Bella was in the crowd of people, and she didn't look too happy. I knew I had to do something, so I punched Gilbert in the gut. He fell over, and when he got up, he ran away, because he's a wimp. Francis ran with him because he's an even bigger wimp. Then I told everyone what really happened. So now everything is ok, everyone knows the truth.

July 22,

Today, Bella came to my house. She thanked me for what I did, and that it was really brave to stand up to Gil and Francis like that. I told her that I did it for the both of us. She told me that was really sweet of me, and then...the unimaginable happened. She gave me a kiss on the cheek! It felt weird. It was like my face was burning. I didn't know what to do, so I stood there motionless for about twenty minutes, then left. I feel stupid for not making my move, but I guess it doesn't really matter.

July 23,

Lili read my journal again. She said it does matter, and that I "have" to go talk to Bella and "express" myself. If there is one thing I ever learned, it is that I am terrible at talking about my true feelings. I think I'll go talk to Bella tomorrow...today I have to learn how to talk to women. I'm not going to ask for advice, because that's given me nothing but trouble. I'm just going to think to myself.

July 24,

Well, I talked to Bella today. I think it went very well. I told her that Lili asked me to express my true feelings. So I told her everything she needs to know. I told her that I think she's a very nice person, and that was pretty much it. I knew that if I told Bella that I like her, then all hell will break loose! I did what I did for the greater good, because the last thing I need is the Bad Touch Trio finding out that I have a secret affinity for Bella (though it's probably not a secret anymore).

July 25,

I heard Lili talking to Elizaveta over the phone. I heard things like "he's in denial" and "they'd look so cute together". Why do they think it's their job to pair me up with Bella? Maybe they should drop the subject, and leave everything to me; I (sort of) know what I'm doing.

July 26,

I'm surprised that Lili and Elizaveta didn't try anything today. Maybe they listened to me and are finally leaving me alone. Either that or they're plotting some grand-scale plan that'll be bad for everyone involved! It's probably the first theory, but you can never be too safe. I'm keeping an eye out for them. I don't want to deal with another one of their plans.

July 27,

I'm starting to believe that Lili and Elizaveta are up to something. They've been talking, but I couldn't listen in because they were whispering (whispering is the number one sign of plotting). I'm really fed up with all this. I have to find a way to keep myself out of all this.

July 28,

I've decided that in order to keep myself out of any more of Lili's/Elizaveta's plans, I'm going to seclude myself in my house until all this nonsense finally calms down. It shouldn't take long, one or two weeks should do the trick. It may sound a bit extreme, but it's just a small price to pay in return for my own well-being.

July 29,

Lili told me that I'm not allowed to hide indoors for two weeks, and that I'm acting too paranoid. So I'm just going to keep my distance from Lili and Elizaveta when I'm in public. This way, Lili won't think I'm being anti-social, and I can leave my house to get food and water. My original plan wasn't really fit for survival, since I didn't have enough food and water to last two weeks. I'll just keep my distance from those two until they stop whispering their schemes to each other over the phone.

July 30,

People are acting weird when they see me avoiding Lili. I'm usually always at her side, so when they see I'm trying to keep away from her, it changes things drastically. Gil even asked me if I was mad at her, or if she was mad at me. I told him 'no' to both questions, though I didn't explain why, because I don't want him to get into my business. I'm sure everyone will stop making a big deal about this by tomorrow.

July 31,

Everyone's still making a big deal about it today. I'm going to stop avoiding Lili, because I hate drawing attention to myself. It's not really safe for Lili to go anywhere without me, anyway. She has a gun, but there are so many people who would try to harm her. There's Francis, Emil, Ivan, or even Peter. I don't even care that I'm now risking myself public humiliation, Lili needs my protection. I don't know what I was thinking when I was trying to avoid her. From this day on, I will always be at Lili's side to protect her at all costs. At least until she's eighteen, that's when she won't want my protection anymore (teenagers can be rebellious), but even then, I'll be there for her. There's no such thing as "too safe".


	13. Chapter 13

**Ch. 13 Switzerland's Secret Journal**

Aug. 1,

It turns out that Lili and Elizaveta were just planning me a surprise birthday party today. Maybe I was being too paranoid. The surprise party went well. I walked through the front door when I got home, and everyone I know jumped out of nowhere. The only downside is that I got so startled that I punched Alfred in the face, since he was the person standing closest to me. He was alright afterwards, but let me tell you, I can pack a punch (especially when a bunch of people jump out of the dark the second I get home). Besides that, it was a nice party. Fortunately, there was only a small amount of alcohol at the party. Everything went well, and I didn't need to handcuff anybody. Finally, I'm able to be at a party where I don't need to restrain the guests. Bella was there too, but I wasn't sure if I should talk to her or not. I decided to talk to her, since it's my birthday. Surprisingly, nothing bad happened. She wished me a happy birthday, and that was pretty much it. If I wasn't such a coward, I probably would've asked her out. Maybe sometime in the future, when I finally have the guts to do it. I'm glad that Lili and Elizaveta planned me this surprise birthday party.

Aug. 2,

It's hard to believe that it's already been a year since I got this journal. Ever since I got this thing, I've had nothing but trouble. I'm relieved that I'm finished writing in this thing. I don't have to worry about people making a big deal over my thoughts and feelings. That means, no more pranks, and no more stress to handle. All of this was emotionally exhausting. I'm never doing anything this dumb again.

**That's the end of "Switzerland's Secret Journal". Thank you all for reading my story. And I hope to write more stories in the future, so please read them.**


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